Category: Review

Well, if something is going to get me to write on this blog it’s a significant cultural film event. Not since Avengers endgame have I heard cinematic excitement. Screens selling out everywhere (even other films such as Mission impossible getting a boost). Did Spiderman save cinema, or did it take a couple of bombshells? So, Ken shirt in tow, I summoned the council of mum, dad, sister and aunt to London to join me for the double bill, with a mixture of attitudes around which film to be hyped for. Naturally, I was hyped for both.

Our day started with a screening of Oppenheimer, the new film from Christopher Nolan about J. Robert Oppenheimer, the scientist who lead the creation of the atomic bomb, looking at his meeting of scientists, the town he built and the impacts of the bomb on him.

The film is essentially split into three parts. the first part is about Oppenheimer’s education. Sure, this bit is relevant, but also Nolan at his coldest and most time-jumpy. It’s very on brand for him, as he gives you little to invest in the character for. It is important in the third act, as his communist links come back to bite him, but could’ve been shorter. However, once we get going into the second act, the creation of the bomb, the film really gets going. You’re introduced to a smorgasbord of scientists you’ve never heard of (apart from the breaking bad guy and Einstein). We watch the team try to come up with something before the Germans and then the Russians. The third act after dropping the bomb sees Oppenheimer’s internal struggle and battle with politicians about how to use the bomb. This bit is also rather jumpy as it turns into more of a courtroom drama (or two courtroom dramas), however the bits which focus on Oppenheimer’s emotional state are where it shines.

Naturally being a Nolan film, it does remain cold, but it also has big fancy effects. A big booming soundtrack and explosions are enough for your film bro to enjoy. There is a moment in the film where they test a bomb. The explosion was so loud the cinema vibrated, almost providing a level of clarity and immersion I haven’t felt. It shook me, leading to a next 15 minutes of feeling like Cillian Murphy.

Speaking of Murphy, the man with the most Irish sounding name for a Jewish character (an important part of his motivations), this man can act. His gaunt face dealing with the struggles of war, his eyes showing every struggle. It was a case of acting well as the character, without any need to be melodramatic. It was natural and it really worked.

The set design was also top notch, and despite being three hours, the film never really felt that long, instead keeping a good pace and bit of intrigue. The editing was great, as was the cinematography. the 20 minutes between the test bomb and reaction to the real bombs were some of the best cinema I’ve seen in a long time. Despite this, the film most certainly had flaws, and I’m not just talking about the worst film sex scene known to man.

Firstly, the female characters, including Oppenheimer’s two wives all felt like extras and nothing more, even Emily Blunt whose character felt way more important. Nolan doesn’t write women where he can avoid it, and somehow did here (Maybe the anti-patriachial Barbie got to me). The focus on Robert Downey Jr’s Strauss over himself during the black and white sections was also less interesting. It explained what happened to Oppenheimer, but from a cold distance. While the distance works at times to show the cold calculated scientist needed for such a project, it does come with a barrier against warming to the character, instead it’s like being at a zoo.

The last thing I want to discuss is a mention around the criticism of not seeing the impact of the bomb on Japan. While the criticism is valid, it’s also important to consider that this is from Oppenheimer’s perspective. We go in with our view, but are there to see his. This movie isn’t the platform to discuss the impacts. Japanese films such as the incredible “Grave of the Fireflies” will give more respect to those victims of war than an American film could. You see the celebrations but know the dissonance in your mind, leading to almost a sense of panic felt also by Oppenheimer and in my mind that’s one of the film’s strengths. You feel his isolation as only he sees the big picture, leading to that cold last scene.

Oppenheimer is a fantastic blockbuster which looks and sounds incredible, telling a difficult story about a character in a fairly cool and calculated way. Despite this approach, Cillian Murphy really shines brining this character to life. Oppenheimer is an essential big screen film.

So after feeling down about the bomb, it was time to go to the pink palace of the Barbie movie. Based on the famous toy, I was very excited to see a new film by indie juggernaut Greta Gerwig of Labybird fame.

Barbie Land is a magical place which exists separately from the real world. Here, everything is great. Barbies can do anything they want to and they know they’ve inspired young girls to do whatever they want and to rule the world. They thrive and party. Meanwhile, Kens just want to be Barbies boyfriends, particularly Ryan Gosling’s Ken who has a rivalry with another Ken. One day, Barbie gets existential and thinks about dying. To sort this out, she goes to the real world where she finds that women aren’t in charge and she discovers the patriarchy, as does Ken who embraces this new way of living to comedic effect, believing as he’s a man he can do anything. From here, the film becomes a loud proud feminist manifesto (or a womanisfesto for fans of a portmanteau)

At a high level I liked this film, however I didn’t quite love it. Let’s talk about the good things first though because there were plenty of good things. Firstly, it was a pretty funny movie. Most of the jokes land, and I was chuckling throughout, as these ridiculous characters were put into such silly situations. The opening scene would’ve been my favourite ever if it wasn’t already in a trailer (The OTT marketing certainly ruined many of the best moments). As well as some fun gags for everyone, there were a number of PG gags. Most of the humour would’ve gone over the heads of young children, with this film being aimed at those slightly older.

The film didn’t really try to hide the shortcomings of Barbie dolls, showing some of the things Mattel did wrong and the negative impacts of perfect stereotypical Barbie. It was smart there as well as passionate about what it wanted to say.

Margot Robbie was expectedly great, however the star of the show was Ryan Gosling who played a fun and simple character who had a level of hurt in him. He had the best lines and his deliveries and expressions were all brilliant. Switching from dope to antagonist in a light way really allowed him to mess around and not take himself seriously.

The throwback costumes were all executed brilliantly with love and passion, while the set design which caused a global shortage of pink paint was also top notch. They made this film the way they wanted to, not taking short cuts.

The film, for all its hype is by no means perfect though. Gerwig seemed to have a lot of gags and jokes she wanted to make for her film, with a strong message. Unfortunately, this tended to leave the plot lacking as at times it seemed clear this was not a priority, instead an attempt at a cult film. Random gags were scatter gunned only to be awkwardly referred back to later on, losing the tightness that gerwig’s other films have been known for. Remember how Barbie was meant to go and save the woman who was struggling in the real world? Neither does the plot.

The ending as well felt a bit rushed, while also failing to bring home the key points. Sure, it may have allowed for some character growth, but there were some really odd decisions which ended up leaving it feeling rushed. There were a couple of other issues which I won’t go into due to spoilers. The film lacks nuance, which is fine, however that maybe prevents it from discussing the impact of barbie on society at that more personal level.

Despite its flaws however, Barbie remains an unapologetically fun and memorable film. With actors on top form and exciting technical achievements in production, soundtrack and costumes, it’s by no means one to avoid. It’s just lacking that narrative refinement which would have made it a film for the ages.

Spiderman Across The Spiderverse

When Spiderman Into The Spiderverse came out it was nothing less than revoloutionary. In a world of more grey, lifelike 3d pixar-esque cartoons coming out in a homogeneously dull way, Spiderverse was unapologetically fun. It was a comic book movie which looked like a comic book. It oozed fun and charisma, with its exciting visuals and enjoyable story. The leap of faith moment was jaw-dropping and changed animation forever. Since then, we’ve had an increasing number of spider-verse style films, from Mitchells and the Machines to Puss in Boots 2. This means Spiderman Across the Spiderverse comes into a totally different world, one where we’ve seen this sort of film so they need to amp it up and smash the high benchmark they set themselves. Now, did they meet this standard? Well, it’s tough to say.

MINOR SPOILERS TO FOLLOW

Spiderverse 2 takes place an unspecified amount of time after the original, with Miles, Gwen and Peter back into their universe. The first 30 minutes focuses on Gwen, whose police captain father is still after spider woman. When she goes out to fight an odd looking enemy from another time, she meets Miguel O’Hara, the spiderman from a different spiderverse on Earth 2099, who recruits her to an elite spider crew to deal with anomalies who fall into other spiderverses. Meanwhile, back on the Earth we know, Miles is still being the friendly neighbourhood spiderman, dealing with villain of the week The Spot, a character cleverly integrated from the prequel, but who doesn’t seem a serious threat. Gwen comes along, and he joins her on an adventure with the spider crew. However, as we go into act 2, Miles starts to have conflict with the spider crew. That’s all I’ll say.

First thing to say, this film looks phenomenal. Its scenes may even look nicer than its predecessor. There is an creative freedom as the shackles are off. The scenes can be madder, faster and more artistic. It’s an exciting visual spectacle with so much more.

The new characters brought in are all exciting. Miguel O’Hara, Spider-Punk and the Indian Spider-Man are all amusing and each have their moments, although at times having such a big cast and full film meant they were skipped over, unlike in the last film. Miles and his parents are on top form, however his relationship with his mentor Peter Parker seems to have ret-conned as he becomes another goofy side character.

The film is thankfully fairly easy to follow. In a world of animation, it’s still some of the best looking we’ve had. In a world of increasing multi-verse trend movies, this movie remains simple despite there seeming to be everything, everywhere. All at once, it seems like a brilliant film where everything

However, despite what comic movie nerds may think, bigger is not always better. This film is the second in a trilogy and looks to end on a cliff-hanger as a set up for film 3 which is released next year. This is fine, but what it means, much like Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers is that you end up with lots of half baked areas, and nothing concluded and feeling a slight lack of satisfaction. This is particularly an odd choice as we end the film with three powerful antagonists at large. They could have potentially instead focussed on their first story and concluded that with a potential cliff hanger being the start of the second half. This would have been a bit more exciting, as essentially instead what they did was do half a film then just leave it aside to set up a totally different plot.

Across the Spider-verse is at least a fun energetic film. However, a lack of wow moment and plot issues which are synonymous with middle of trilogy films stop it from being as elite as the original.

Every time I start this blog, it seems to involve a constant apology and a vow to write it more. However, this recent hiatus has been caused by being unwell. By chance, my most recent bout of illness came the day after TomCruiseFansOfScientologyFilms invited me over for dinner and we had vegan meatballs. I asked them for the recipe as it was a good meal and olive branch between me and Mr Cruise who has become villain of the blog in 2023. He said of course you can have the recipe. I haven’t had a chance to recreate it yet. I just need tofu, soy sauce, arsenic and pasta. Maybe Mr Cruise knew I’m allergic to soy sauce.

Alas, I have recovered now and am looking forward to more cinematic endeavours which started with my my recent outing to Harbour Lights in S*uthampton to watch “Are you there God, it’s me Margaret”. Hopefully this film would be as satisfying as playing Status Quo’s Down Down when driving past Saint Mary’s stadium.

Well, while nothing can compare to the enjoyment of your local city rival’s demise, AYTGIMM does certainly leave you smiling as a warm hug of a film. Based on the famous book my Julie Bloom, the film is a sweet, almost awkward, coming of age film about 11-year-old Margaret Simon, a young girl whose concerned about growing up, her changing body and her relationship with God (as she has a Jewish father and Christian mother). Heavy, right? Well no, this is one of the warmest comedies out there which will leave you with a beaming smile as the credits roll.

Margaret moves from New York to suburban New Jersey. She meets Nancy from the big house down the road who introduces her to a secret gang where they talk about their changing bodies, with conversations around boobs and who will have their periods first. These chats has a comedic overtone as well as some more out there moments. As well as discussing these, this group has almost a Mean Girls vibes as they almost judge one another and part of building themselves up is knocking one another down and not discussing the insecurities they privately share, with Nancy very much playing the Regina George role.

Speaking of Regina George, there are other changes these characters have to deal with as Margaret’s mother (Played by Regina George actress Rachel McAdams) has to deal with the changes in her life in a new place, and her estranged parents, while the grandmother played brilliantly by Cathy Bates has to deal with her family moving away and her changes in life. Both side plots feel never over-bearing but aren’t the main reason you’re there. These stories all lead to a confrontation amongst everyone about religion and what Margaret’s identity is.

With such taboo cinema subjects as puberty and periods, there was a risk the film would be really awkward. However, with its PG BBFC certificate, the film never felt that way at all, with emotional moments packing a punch and the funny moments came with such an innocence you almost felt like you were laughing with the film makers and the characters at the ridiculousness, as opposed to at them. This can only really be achieved by a film having such a warm heart. The silliness is embraced, as the children look at their dad’s playboy magazine and ask if they will look like that when they’re nineteen, then throw their arms back in an exercise shouting “We must, we must, we must increase our bust”. It’s nonsense which is brought to a plausible extreme as it deals with universal themes of insecurity around the body. While this film is primarily made for young girls and their mums, it’s one where the themes will resonate with everybody no matter what and you’ll be able to connect.

More power to women for having films which unapologetically show their stories.

So that’s the award season all done huh. Everything Everywhere cleaned the Oscars as it deserved to, while Aftersun lead the ASBOs. So… now what? Do we go back to our petty feud with everyone’s favourite cult member Tom Cruise in his attempt to bring down the blog along with the church of Scientology?

No, instead I shall extend the olive branch by listing all of Tom Cruise’s incredible top tier films:

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On with the reviews…

In a world of increasingly long films which build a universe and a world, it’s somewhere for our imaginations to go. Yet, despite the beauty of Pandora or the excitement of the MCU, we forget the excitement and the beauty of the mundane which we encounter everyday. Rye Lane as a film goes directly against this, making art of its surroundings. Not only is it one of the most exciting, fresh romcoms of recent times, it’s also a beautiful love letter to the director’s home of Peckham.

A concept that sounds simple, at an odd art exhibition our lead Yas hears Dom crying in the toilets. He’s having a private moment of reflection as he’s still hurting from a break up a few months back. When Yas later recognises his shoes, she then befriends him as they explore Peckham and Brixton and it turns out he’s meeting his ex this day. She decides to join before their friendship grows and over the course of the day, Dom decides to help Yas and hijinks ensue as our characters start to fall for each other.

At just 82 minutes long, this film flies by. No scene feels wasted, and is instead filled with this positive, exciting energy which makes every moment feel important and a pleasure to watch. The comedy is more often than not on point and efficient. It also helps teach us about the characters, not just putting in jokes for jokes sakes and really is the archetypal definition of a rom-com. David Jonsson and Vivian Oparah both have so much chemistry, it all feels natural and never forced.

Much like When Harry met Sally, this is a tale of flawed characters, albeit in a simple way. Dom is nervous, hung up on his last relationship and the level headed of this comedic duo. Meanwhile, Yas is much more bubbly, yet her lingering self doubt is more internalised as her cockiness almost comes across as a mask.

Sure, these two characters are the main ones, but the third one is South London, mostly Peckham. We meet big characters, see beautiful places and it’s shot like a piece of art. We witness many colourful buildings and strange people who are not there to be laughed at, but to be appreciated as unique parts of this area’s architecture. It becomes so apparent this film is made by people from the area and it really is a wonderful love letter.

The way the film is shot is wonderfully creative as well. Grounded realism with a set of narrow close up shots allow these characters time to be the sole focus, against the aforementioned backdrop. The witty dialogue intercut with scenes of imagination (A break up story is briefly shown in front of a theatre of consisting of an audience of the other character). Never does this feel out of place as it remembers to keep its characters front and centre both with its script and production.

Rye Lane is a thing of beauty. A brilliantly warm and funny film about being your best self, this rom com succeeds at both the rom and the com to lead to a brilliantly fresh film.

Rye Lane is in cinemas now

There is something oddly haunting about communities of the world. They’re tight knit, very good to one another, but hostile towards others. We see this in rural communities often, with probably the most famous example being Hot Fuzz whose community did things for their greater good (the greater good). While that fictitious comedy is amusing, Spain’s latest True Crime drama The Beasts certainly isn’t a chirpy stroll in the park.

While watching this film, I had no idea it was based on true events. The film starts with a group of men wrestling down a horse to tag it, showing an immediately macho environment. We then see this rural Spanish community into which an academic French couple move. When we meet this community, they have already fallen out with the male, Antoine, who they refer to as just “Frenchy”. It turns out he has voted against an energy company planting wind turbines, thus denying the poverty stricken toiling farmers a big pay day and a new start. When suspicious events start to happen, Antoine buys himself a camera to record the goings on. However, this only antagonises the locals more, particularly brothers Xan and Lorenzo.

This whole film manages to create a nastily eerie atmosphere, with an understated flutey score which is almost like the wind, but in an unnatural way. The relationships between the characters leave you with a feeling that something bad is going to happen, with a gradual escalation built on desperation. This is helped by an absolutely top form cast. Denis Menochet as the stubborn Antoine is likable and fully believable as is his fearful wife, played by Marina Fois. Luis Zehera and Diego Anido as the siblings put themselves up for early ASBO 2024 contention as well. Anido particularly with a tilting head and uneasy staring. There are loud scenes with great dialogue, but the most tension seems to happen when people aren’t saying anything and the director flawlessly allows the tension to build quietly in the right places.

The long scenes of dialogue show who our characters are and how they will never agree. The thematic strands of poverty and environment are both shown in a fully brilliant and well thought out way, with frustration and stubbornness flowing through both the main plot and the coda. This film has stuck in my head since watching it as I couldn’t take my eyes away throughout the whole 137 minutes.

An absolute masterclass in tension, The Beasts is a top level Spanish psychological thriller with a tight script, beautiful scenery, but most tellingly top class acting from everybody involved. This is a film you won’t be able to look away from.

The Beasts is available in cinemas and on Curzon Home Cinema now

I went into The Five Devils totally blind, not sure what to expect as I hadn’t even seen a trailer. It was this or John Wick 4 or Allelujah. Therefore, it totally caught me by surprise that I enjoyed this film as much as I did.

Joanne is not in a happy place in life. She seems to have totally fallen out of love with husband Jimmy, with whom she has a daughter Vicky. One day she’s out with Vicky who shows her sense of smell is rather supernatural. She can find her mum when blindfolded just using that sense, while she is also collecting and recreating smells of other people. When Jimmy’s sister Julia turns up one day, everybody has to face the past. This includes Vicky who by using the smells of Julia can travel back in time and see what lead to this moment, but also influence it.

This leads to a really weird dark fairytale. This partly reminds me of Scandi gothic tales such as Border or Let the Right One In, while also having a story oddly similar to Back to the Future. This leads to an intriguind and unpredictable tale, which is also a fantastic and totally unique romance. The script is smart in that it constantly shifts your perceptions of who is god and who is bad, with no character ever seemigly a protagonist or antagonist as more of this puzzle box is revealed.

As well as being well acted, this film was shot beautifully. The cinematography airs a mystique, with some fantastically interesting shots. The scenes all look beautiful and the lighting conveys the emotion so well. While the title suggests this is a horror, it certainly isn’t. Instead, it’s a romantic film and a brilliant one which leaves you wanting more.

The Five Devils is out now in cinemas and on MUBI on May 12th

Note before I start: Yes, I know these pop culture references are already out of fashion. This post takes a long time to write… okay…

It’s time to parody songs. It’s time to write the lines. It’s time to see some new films in the ASBO awards tonight.

It’s time to come up with hosts. It’s time to write the noms. It’s time to get things started on the most sensational, aspirational, celebrational

This is what we call the ASBO show……

Here we are. Back after another year, and boy do we have some exciting movies, 52 to discuss it turns out, so let’s get on with it. Any film released in the UK in the last year is elegible for an ASBO in a given category as long as it isn’t nominated for an Oscar in the same one. If it is nominated in another category however, it is allowed to be ASBO nominated in the first category. Please welcome your hosts Paddington Bear and Gary Lineker

P: Yes, welcome everybody. Aunt Lucy will be so happy to see I’m hosting again.

G: Indeed, boy do we have some great films to see tonight.

P: Mr Lineker, can I ask you a quick question? Why aren’t you presenting Match of the Day

G: Well, turns out I had a free Saturday and the Asbos gave me a better offer. I do this for free and I get to tweet what I want about refugees.

P: Oh, but The Daily Mail won’t be happy if they find out you got another presenting gig.

G: It’s fine. Nobody reads this blog anyway. Onto the first award. I said you couldn’t write Leicester’s Premier League win in the 2015/16 season. These fine nominees could. Here is best adapted screenplay.

The four films here all did incredible jobs of bringing stories to life. After Yang made up believe in a futuristic robot family. Wheel of Fortune and Fantasy took us through three short stories about the human connection. Pinocchio told a story as old as time itself. However, the first ASBO of the night has to go to The Quiet Girl. This film was a beautiful story about the connection between a girl and her adoptive summer family. While a reserved movie, the lines really brought out characters in a brilliantly emotional way.

P: Oh Mr Lineker, I do like Animation. These nominees are both incredible examples of how animation can bring stories to life

Despite the Oscars doing a good job at nominating the better animated films this year (Damn them for making this post tougher), there were still two exceptional films in the animated category. While Anne Frank was an informative, creative story for children to learn about a historical figure, Entergalactic was a ninety minute music video from Kid Cudi showing romance in New York city. With its Spiderverse-esque style and great tone, Entergalactic wins the ASBO.

Every single film here looked stunning. Aftersun’s home movie footage had a legitimacy where you truly believed what you were watching. EO made you empathise with a donkey. However, with an impressive array of shots to make Paris almost seem like a warzone, the best cinematography this year undoubtedly came from Athena. Just watch this scene and tell me otherwise

What exactly is a director? Well, they put everything together and all four of these directors were central towards making a great movie. Charlotte Wells on no budget, Park Chan Wook seemlessly blending between genres, Jerzy managing six different donkeys and Jaffer Panahi making a movie without being there. Panahi’s story is really fascinating. Banned by his home country from making movies, he’s had to put together No Bears with fear of punishment and without getting caught doing so. Despite this, he still put together a fantasically complex movie. Therefore, Jafer Panahi wins the ASBO. Congrats Jafar

The four nominated documentaries were all strong entries from masters of their trade. The Territory told an urgent story about Amazon deforestation from an objective and interesting viewpoint. My Old School is one of the weirdest true crime dramas around which remains low stakes but deeply personal. A Bunch of Amateurs is a film about a group of old men who look to keep their cinema club alive, yet provides a deep look into each of their lives. However, the best doc asbo has to go to Children of the Mist, a film about forced marriages in a remote mountain community. It reveals the layers of a family dynamic in a nuanced way, while looking at a shocking subject manner. A brilliantly emotive film. Congratulations on your ASBO.

This is the 30 seconds of the year where I claim to know about hair and make up, so let’s get this out the way. Bones and All showed a brilliant weirdness. Northman and Triangle showing a rugged desperation while Nitram uses its make up to show somebody who has given up. Joyland is glamorous, however the hair and make up in Burundi film Neptune Frost means I can’t really give this award to anyone else. I watched the film and still don’t know what happened. Here’s a clip. Congratulations on your first ASBO Burundi

Sometimes, one film dominates a field so I won’t go into other nominations. This time, Aftersun wins best editing. It’s incredible and put together so smoothly. The Under Pressure scene (which contains thematic spoilers) shows the editing at its best

Time for something else I don’t know about, clothes. People wear them in films. In Neptune Frost someone wears a hat with five bike tyres. What does this mean? Everyone is looking on fleek (I’ll never say that again). The Woman King wins it, why not.

Here we go, what a set of movies. Great Freedom, an incredible Shawshank-esque tale of post WWII Germany. Joyland, a forbidden love story about a man and a trans women in Pakistan. You Resemble Me, a film about the worlds first female suicide bomber done with a real suave. Playground, a simple story about a girl dealing with her older brother being bullied. Onoda, a war epic where there is no war happening. However, Park Chan Wook’s seductive mystery thriller Decision To Leave was one of the best of the genre, bringing out a noir Hitchcock feel. This is cinema at its best. Shame on the Oscars for totally snubbing this masterpiece. Oh well, my gain.

A brilliant set here again. I mentioned the bottom 3 in the last category. Broker is a fun, exciting film about the values of family which turns up the charm. Bodies is a film which will divide, but remains an entertaining and sharp satire murder mystery, much more so than Glass Onion. However, the winner of its second ASBO of the night has to be Aftersun. Meticulously thought through, the natural style of dialogue feels like one you’d hear on any family holiday. The humanity breezes through effortlessly thanks to an incredible piece of writing.

Production Deisgn is “Do the buildings look cool?” From the helplessness of Nitram to the expansive world of The Batman to the utopian feeling The Woman King, these films have taken us all into different worlds. However, the ASBO winner for this category has to be The Northman for its incredibly eerie scenery.

The soundtracks of all five of these films are fantastic. From Athena’s operatic calm against the chaos to Casablanca’s rap soundtrack, After Yang provides a futuristic scifi fantasy, A shout out to the simple charming Pinocchio with a whimsical soundtrack inkeeping with its theme and visuals. However, with a huge blockbuster soundtrack, brooding and epic, my choice for the ASBO is The Batman

For Best Original Song (an award I never really care about) I originally assumed Naatu Naatu wouldn’t get nominated so would win (Damn Oscars). Anywhow, I’ve got two nominees. Pinocchio’s Ciao Papa is the emotional heartbeat of the film, while Binary Stars really brings out the tone of its own. I love a weird song and don’t really care too much, so the ASBO goes to Binary Stars – Neptune Frost. What does this song sound like you ask? Well…

Sound is what seperates film from the Stone Ages, according to Babylon, which while self indulgent sounded great. Nope was crazy and sounded epic. Meanwhile, my choice for its incredible under water moments and feeling of claustrophobia as a result is the true story drama Thirteen Lives, a strong film about the Thai cave rescue of a few years ago.

Nope’s spaceship enemy looked epic and the chaotic scenes were very well made. EEAAO, which has been missing from the ASBOs due to its Oscar success, had ridiculous practical effects throughout. However, in RRR the guy fought a lion and set a zoo on the british royals. If I set a tiger on Charles, I get arrested for treason, while RRR only gets an ASBO. Congrats RRR. Its stupid, but I don’t care. My blog, my rules.

G: Now on to the acting awards. These actors all provided such good performances they make Neymar’s dives look embarrassing in comparison. Not that it takes much.

Each of these women gave a brilliant performance. Whether it was Women Talking through their trauma or a girl finding themself in Finland. A mad woman with whom a future criminal finds solace, or a love interest. However, the top two here are both characters who really bring the themes of their films to the surface. Rasti Farooq was the wife left behind. Stuck in a patriachal society, she is forced to give up her dreams and her husband for what? However, the winner is Dolly De Leon – Triangle of Sadness. While ToS wasn’t my favourite film, Dolly was great, first as the cleaner then the leader of the island in the third act. She owned the place and her final scene was a masterclass in acting without words.

When I watched EEAAO, I assumed this small indie film would be forgotten by oscar time and that Ke Huy Quan would be an ASBO shoe in. Well, I got that wrong. The actors here all play great roles in their firlms from horrible creepy characters to characters of empathy. However, I’ll have to give this award to Gang Dong-Won whos dignified and understated presence in Broker really brought the film together neatly.

From a serial killer to a soldier who lived on an island fighting a non existent war for decades, is there anything these actors can’t do (apart from get Oscar Nominated) Kanji Tsuda, Caleb Landry, Alex Skarsgard and Mehdi Bajestani showed the descent into Madness in different ways, while Darin and Park fought for justice. Debutant Eden Dambrine put in a performance way beyond a debut level as a guilt ridden child in Close. However, the saddest, most vulnerable emotional performance of the year came from this year’s Asbo winner Franz Rogowski – Great Freedom. Playing a gay prisoner in post war Germany moved from a concentration camp to a prison over the course of three decades, we see a man stuck in a rut, unable to live his own life with tragedy around him. It’s a fantastic film, and he leads it well. Congratulations on your Asbo Franz

We actually watched Till, so will nominate Danielle Deadwyler for an Asbo. Likewise, the underseen Silent Twins and Emily both had strong lead performances. Blue Jean and Happening were raw pieces of solid human cinema, while Aftersun was just perfection, in part thanks to a good performance from Frankie Corio. However, murdering and seductive, this award will go to Tang Wei – Decision to Leave who convincingly turned one of the best noir crime films into one f the best romance films of the year. Well done Tang, you were phenomenal

P: And now for a big award. I’m very excited Mr Lineker

G: Me too Paddington. And the nominees for best picture are

What a brilliant set of eight movies. Each one of these from across the world tell a different, heartfelt story. Picking one winner is difficult. EO made me cry over a donkey while Great Freedom and Joyland showed aching stories of forbidden love. The Batman was a cinematic spectacle showing that superhero movies can be special still, while Playground, Aftersun and Broker showed brilliant and contrasting definitions of family relationships. Decision to Leave was a film made for me. A romantic noir much like the golden 1950’s, straight out of a Hitchcock playbook with beautiful shots and liquid tight writing.

However, the ASBO for Best Picture goes to… Aftersun, for its incredible depiction of family, depression and memories of a summer no longer here. Each element of this film was beautifully thought through and painstakingly put together, ending with the best cinema scene of the year. It’s on Mubi and took a couple of watches for me to love it, but now I can’t recommend it enough.

P: So is that all the awards done Mr Lineker?

G: Well, no it isn’t Paddington. Like Portsmouth on Match of the Day, there always has to be one last vital fixture

P: But Mr Lineker, Portsmouth haven’t been on Match of the Day for years. Don’t you mean Sou-

QUICKLY MOVING ON TO THE NOMINEES FOR THE MOST IMPORTANT AWARD OF THE DAY! BEST DONKEY

G: Yes, this year there have been lots of great on screen donkeys which have captures our hearts and minds, from those on deserted islands, sitting on the Irish coast, working in China or watching a football match in Poland. These four donkeys have done it all. Here are the nominees for Best Donkey.

Triangle of Sadness killed its donkey without even a moment on screen. Rubbish movie. Return to Dust was about a couple with a farm trying to live their lives freely in China. The donkey there was a loyal steed, what you want from a donkey. Eo was a Polish Stallion which wondered across the land looking for food and seeing the best and worst of humanity. They were wonderful, I loved that damn donkey. However, for her comedic prowess and emotional moments, I have to give the most important ASBO of the night to Jenny the Donkey – Banshees of Inisherin.

Congratulations on the most important award Jenny. Good night. See you all next year.

And we are back… With the ASBOs almost written up that must mean its Oscars time within the next 24 hours, so let’s look through who I’d pick to win the awards, starting with the major five:

Best Supporting Actor

I’ll note immediately I’ve not seen Causeway. It’s on Apple TV and I can’t be bothered to pay for it. I was suprised Judd Hirsh got nominated for five minutes of okay screen time. Barry Keoghan was the heart of Banshees while Brendan Gleeson was the second lead. Meanwhile Ke Huy Quan was the heart of Everything Everywhere all at Once (hereafter EEAAO). When I saw that film, I was convinced he’d win an ASBO award, but alas the Oscars snapped him up and are likely to deservedly award it to him. I’d fully agree with this, I hope Ke Huy Quan wins. His variety of Waymonds he played in the multiverse jumping movie was wonderful and he delivered my favourite movie line of the year perfectly about doing laundry and taxes in another universe.

Best Supporting Actress

I was suprised about the double nomination for EEAAO. Both actresses had a shot, with Jamie Lee Curtis mainly getting in due to how pally she is with the Oscar circuit. Stephanie Hsu is fine in her role, although there are many great ASBO nominees who would have also been great. Angela Basset was okay marvel at best, while Hong Chau gave it a good go in a difficult, melodramatic play. However, if there is any justice, the award will go to Kerry Condon for her performance in The Banshees of Inisherin. She was the heart of the film, opposite to Colin Farrell’s simplicity and to Brendan Gleeson’s hostility. She kept it grounded in reality when it could’ve been silly otherwise while also bringing strong emotional moments.

Best Actress in a Leading Role

I haven’t watched Blonde, so sorry. The most controversial nominee of the year was Andrea Riseborough in To Leslie who gave a conventional good performance in the film. While not as good as Danielle Deadwyller, I won’t hold it against her. Michelle Williams was good in The Fabelmans as well as Stephen Spielberg’s mum. She really brought a heart to the film, however in my mind it’s a two horse race between Cate Blanchett in Tar and Michelle Yeoh in EEAAO. Yeoh was great, she was exciting, energetic and emotional in a fun way. However, despite the slowness of Tar, Cate Blanchett was magnetising, owning the screen in a captivating way. Her characters breakdown over the course of the film was nuanced and great. It felt gradual and never forced. A tour de force of acting, it’s an essential performance.

Best Actor in a Leading Role

Unfortunately, one of my two least favourite performances on this list will probably win the Oscar on the night. Austin Butler’s Elvis was fine, standard biopic fair but nothing to write home about. Brendan Fraser’s The Whale performance was overly dramatic and really didn’t interest me. The other three performances were great. Bill Nighy was classy as a dying man in Living, while Paul Mescal’s depressed dad and Colin Farrell’s comedic loneliness were both top standard. This is actually the toughest decision in the blog post. Fine, Banshees, Colin Farrell. But go and watch Aftersun anyway because if that wins tomorrow, I’ll be over the moon.

Best Picture:

I think you can split this years 10 nominees into a few groups. You have the popular and unpopular. The good and the rubbish. The big and the small. It’s a really interesting bunch and even if I found 5 to not be to my taste, that’s fine because others would have enjoyed them.

10) Elvis was 103/106 in my film rankings last year. It was dreadful. Fat Tom Hanks with his accent? no thank you. Constant cuts and editing to make you feel dizzy? No thank you. Rubbish Amadeus parody opening line? Go home. By the time the film had settled it had already lost me. At least Dad enjoyed when we went. Shame he got COVID from it though.

9) Avatar: The Way of Water was totally fine, except for all the stupid decisions that weren’t inkeeping with the plot and the fact that nothing really happens for the first two hours (Oscar films were long this year). It was like the first film, but just not as interesting. It looked nice, but I was hoping they’d kill the bad guy to avoid three more sequels.

8) Triangle of Sadness is a real artsy film. But Joe, you like artsy films. No, I like good films. There is a difference. This film is made up of three acts. In the first one, an unlikable couple argues about paying a bill as the woman earns more in their modelling industry. A bit boring, but fine it’s a set up. In the second act, they’re on a cruise ship. It starts okay, but very quickly goes into rich people are bad which doesn’t feel fresh or new. There are endless poo and sick gags and 10 minute of Woody Harrelson yelling communism quotes he’s reading off his phone (Oscar films are long this year). The third act on a desert island is forced but also the most interesting part. It’s a shame they didn’t focus on that more and cut the other two parts. Oh well…

7) All Quiet on the Western Front is the Oscars attempt at anti-military propaganda. Based on a book and a 1930 film, this Netflix re-telling is an okay war film with a dodgy score, but an atrocious adaptation which fails to show the psychological horrors of war on its protagonist and brings in a whole bunch of extra scenes which take away from the source material nuance.

6) Top Gun Maverick is the Oscars attempt at pro-military propaganda. You know what you’re getting. Tom Cruise goes vroom in some fast planes. It’s predictable and easy, but pleases crowds. It’s also well made, so needs some credit. It doesn’t reinvent the wheel but flies high with its fans.

Now let’s talk about some films I was happy with

5) Women Talking was a well written, well acted piece about a group of Mennonites who have to decide how to deal with crimes against them, whether to stay and fight or to leave and if so how. It was an interesting piece, except one old woman kept wanting to talk about her horses. It won’t stay long in the memory of the film world, but was a fine effort.

4) The Fabelmans: This was the sweet feel good Coda sort of film for a family film club. Stephen Spielberg writes about Stephen Spielberg and his parents’ divorce. While sentimental, this film’s greatest strength is its honesty about his childhood. It’s a charming, conventional family film if not much else.

3) Tar: Now we’re getting to the films that actually deserve a best picture win. If any of these three films win Best Picture, it will be well deserved. The least likely of the trio is Tar, a 2hour 40 minute slog (Oscars films are long this year) about a female conductor losing control of her life. It’s well written, masters its pace with interesting scenes even when not much is happening. Cate Blanchett is fantastic as is her supporting cast. A brilliant piece of art which is better seen in a room with few distractions.

2) Everything Everywhere All At Once: The bookies favourite, it would be great if this film one as its got a lot going against it. Its been 10 months since release, the actors haven’t been big for a while and it’s a huge genre piece. The Oscars don’t like sci-fi or action movies, but this is just that and honestly the best version of that I’ve seen for a long time. A mother who struggles to get along with her daughter and husband who has a failing laundromat ends up multi-verse hopping seeing different versions of herself based on her choices while trying to save the universe from a great threat. It’s interesting, heart warming, creative and new and has captured the imagination as a box office success story. This is the sort of film we should be rewarding.

And the Best Picture goes to Banshees of Inisherin: While EEAAO did a lot well, Banshees did very little but did it very well. A razor sharp comedy about two friends on an island off the coast of Ireland, it was smart, witty and well acted. Martin McDornagh’s funniest film, this gets everything right. This film feels like its on an island and the simple stakes seem high based on the isolation from the world. It’s brilliantly paced and keeps twisting and turning in unexpected ways and has an unbelievably cute donkey in it. What more can you want. If anything knocks EEAAO out of top spot, it will probably be this.

Best of the rest

Best Original Screenplay: This years nominees are stacked. It’s a 50/50 between the madness of EEAAO and the razor sharp dialogue of Banshees. I’d just about give this award to Banshees of Inisherin

Best Adapted Screenplay: is maybe not as good (Glass Onion 2?, Really) All Quiet is an awful adaptation, Living wasn’t great at writing (its source material isn’t the greatest, so it’s an okay adaptation). Top Gun 2 is okay, so I’ll give the award to the only actual good one, Women Talking (although last year they awarded Coda over Drive my Car so the Oscars are stupid. I don’t care)

Animated Film is a ridiculous category. I haven’t seen Sea Beast so can’t comment, but if the worst is Turning Red, that’s fine. Marcel the shell was decent and Puss in Boots was more than decent. I’d recommend both films to anybody. However, Pinocchio was pure art, so should win.

Cinematography: I’m a bit short here as I haven’t seen Empire of Light and could only get through the first 10 minutes of Bardo. Tar was decent, Elvis had some good shots, but All Quiet on the Western Front looked the most impressive so that can win

Costume Design: If I’d seen Mrs Harris goes to Paris that would probably win, but I haven’t. Black Panther 2 was good but more of the same. Babylon was fine. Elvis was great in this regard, but the sheer variety of picture perfect costumes in EEAAO mean it should win this one

Directing is always a tough category and the 5 nominees here all made totally different pieces of art. Todd Field’s control of pacing was great and under appreciated by many, however the amount that Daniels managed to do to make a competent package was fantastic, so I’ll award them for EEAAO

Editing: again, all fantastic. Top Gun was really smooth. Elvis wasn’t my cup of tea. EEAAO was incredible in this department so has to win again.

International: Finally one that EEAAO can’t win. All Quiet wasn’t a great movie, so that won’t win. Close was an interesting premise ditched in the name of indulgent melodrama so no… Argentina, 1985 was a good legal drama. My top two are A Quiet Girl, an understated Gaelic film about belonging and EO a film about a donkey coming across the best and worst of humanity while finding his way home. I’ll back that damn donkey all the way so EO wins

Make up and Hairstyling: Ahh my forte. The two best films for this were Elvis which transformed this actor into a character and showed his decline well or The Whale which also uses make up to show increasingly I’ll health in a nuanced way (the only nuanced thing about the film). I’ll give this award to The Whale

Music (Original Score): This one isn’t close. The best thing about Babylon and the main thing that kept me there for 3 hours was the score. It’s on my film soundtrack playlist and felt so fresh.

Original Song: I don’t really care for awarding generic pop. What I do care for is awarding songs that are key and memorable in a film. Naatu, naatu naatu naatu naatu, naatu, naatu. How can the dance scene in RRR not bring a smile to the face

Production Design: How can you have production design when in front of a green screen. It’s a pretty good green screen huh Avatar 2. Best production design goes to Elvis

Sound Design: This is 5 big epics which all were rather fake-ish. Avatar 2, Batman, All Quiet, Elvis and Top Gun 2 were well designed and never felt out of place. The winner here has to be Top Gun Maverick though

Visual Effects: It’s an identical list to the Sound Design except replacing Elvis with Black Panther 2. Again, while Avatar 2 was impressive, it never felt natural. Top Gun Maverick did all the way, so that can win again.

Winners

4 – Banshees of Inisherin, Everything Everywhere All At Once

2 – Top Gun: Maverick

1 – Babylon, Elvis, The Whale, RRR, GDT’s Pinocchio, Tar, Women Talking, All Quiet On The Western Front, EO

In an earlier blog (not the last one, the one before ), I discussed the film Rumble and my new dislike of it as it was what you get in google when you search “The Film Ramble”. I looked into this monstrosity more and it turns out Terry Crews is in it. That got me thinking, Crews, Cruise. Tom Cruise, Top Gun. Tom Cruise, Scientology. That’s it, the powerful cult of Scientology is what’s trying to bring my blog down. Will I stand for this? No. I. Won’t. I am now officially changing this blog’s view to be anti-Scientologists and declaring war on them. Therefore, if this blog is randomly taken down or I randomly disappear, investigate Maverick himself, because this won’t be pretty.

Anyway, on to the reviewing.

Shrek, as a series, started off legendary. The original was fresh and new (if you forget The Princess Bride exists) and introduced a generation to the anti-fairy tale. With a bit of fun and humour for all, it was counter-culture everybody could enjoy in a sickeningly Disney world. The second film expanded on the first and provided Jennifer Saunders’ legendary Holding out for a hero. Then it all started to go wrong. The third film was a damp squib while the forth happened and I can’t remember much about it except the feeling of disappointment I had afterwards. In amongst this mess was a Puss in Boots origin story which apparently I’ve seen before as well. The problem with this is that I couldn’t remember it at all. Therefore, a puss sequel set after the four Shrek movies 12 years after the original seems not only a strange project, but one that is doomed to fail. Despite the odds, somehow not only is Puss in Boots: The Last Wish competent, but it’s actually pretty good.

The Last Wish starts with a big song and dance epic about how cool Puss is. He has a Babylon-esque party and then saves the day from a rock troll before dying. He’s invincible in his mind, then he dies. But this time, he’s died for the eighth time. Puss remains confident in himself until he comes across one of the coolest animated villains ever in Death, a red eyed big bad wolf of child like nightmares. Seriously, they didn’t need to go so far overboard with him. When Death humiliates Puss into running away from a fight, vowing to catch him, Puss loses his mojo and goes into the safety of a retirement home. This is where he stays until he hears about a shooting star which can give him his wish of more lives. He goes on a quest to find the star along with Kitty Softpaws and a quirky, suprisingly tolerable, sidekick dog, Perro. However, he’ll have to get there before Jack Horner and Goldilocks and the Three Bears, all while escaping death.

This film is actually surprisingly deep. Puss’ mortality suddenly changes him from an annoying individual who you don’t want to watch to a defeated wreck who almost seems to give up. His steely determination is built on fear, making him one of the most interesting characters in the Shrek Universe. The films themes of mortality and family are consistent but never feel over-bearing. Sure, the third act becomes predictable, it’s a children’s film after all, but due to the good work of the first two acts, it doesn’t feel undeserved.

Every single character has an interesting arc, with very few being fillers. Kitty Softpaws needs to learn to trust, Perro (the somehow not annoying therapy dog who has been abandoned by his family) needs to belong, Puss needs to deal with his mortality and my favourite characters Goldilocks and the Three Bears need to learn what family means. Seriously, they were great. Florence Pugh, Olivia Coleman and Ray Winstone have some of the best lines, both emotionally and comically. The delivery of all their jokes were brilliant and that’s down to the top level of casting. I mentioned Death earlier as well. This wolf’s whistling you hear before you see him is just fearsome. He really is an entity which feels unstoppable.

In a world of family films which need to have constant jokes every 10 seconds, loud and in your face (Thanks, minions), this movie uses its funny moments efficiently. Sure, not all the jokes will land, but they are used much more sparingly and at the right time, not in the middle of emotional moments. It’s a slightly different tone of humour to Shrek, but the structure of the humour is much more reminiscent of it. I laughed more than six times at this movie and that would’ve been in the first 30 minutes.

Visually, this film is satisfying. When Spiderverse came out, it felt like a game changer and this is one of the first films to use a similar style of animation. Unlike the duller Shrek colours, this film is vibrant in its lighting and uses motion brilliantly. The characters feel alive in what they do as does the world. In the darker and scarier scenes, the contrast to the light warm scenes is suddenly so much more striking. The use of different techniques to affect the pace of the busier scenes is smartly done. This is Dreamworks’ best ever looking film and it will be interesting to see if Shrek 5 uses a similar style (Although that film feels Far, Far, Away).

Puss in Boots 2 is one of those sequels which eclipses the first somehow. Made with lots of care and elements which somehow work despite the odds being against them, this movie does an incredible job with the tools it has and is certainly worth a half term cinema trip at the very least.

Puss in Boots: The Last Wish is out in cinemas now

Speaking of Shrek characters, let’s talk about a donkey.

So I’ve only been to the cinema with Cathryn a couple of times over the past few years. As far as I recall, our cinematic outings have been limited to Pokemon Detective Pikachu and Schindlers List, two nuanced arthouse classics. I was given full autonomy over our first post covid movie trip, so what did I pick? Did I go for awards darlings The Fabelmans or The Whale? Did I heck. Did I go for the fun, safe Puss in Boots 2? NOOOOOOOO. Instead, the choice of film which she willingly, yet questionably agreed to was experimental Polish piece EO

When we first meet Eo, he is a circus donkey, performing with a young woman who adores him and wants no harm to come his way. However, when the circus faces bankruptancy, he is taken away to another place. This is the beginning of his journey around Poland. He meets good and bad people. At one point he is stuck with a fox killer, while at another he is in a petting zoo for children with Downs Syndrome. To some he is a friend, others he is an icon. Some help him, others harm him. This film is ultimately a reflection of humanity and where it does and doesn’t exist. His tour is either about finding his way home or enjoying his freedom or looking for some tasty hay. It’s up to you how you see it. He’s a donkey, he can’t speak. There’s ambiguity.

Despite the ambiguity behind his intentions, Eo’s emotions are clear. His facial expressions are caught by close ups and accompanied by a wonderful undercurrent score all of which help you empaphise with this mule. You see his admiration of the big horses and the panic when he feels trapped. There are also shots with blurred edges making it feel like you are watching things from Eo’s perspective. He reacts in a very aware, but helpless way when he sees other animals being harmed. This is a donkey you want the best for.

The film isn’t always easy to watch. At the end of the film, there is a card which says that no animals were harmed and their wellbeing is the top priority. As this film focuses on man’s relationship with nature, there are of course going to be difficult moments to watch. These are contrasted well with beautiful moments. This is a movie that gives you hope and breaks you.

As well as being a fairly standard story, the film looks and sounds great. There are a variety of fun, experimental shots, which seem to focus more on man’s inventions and how they contrast with the calm of nature. This includes one seemingly random scene of a robot dog running. The scenery around Eo is beautiful as well, with a variety of long shots leaving me googling flights to Poland and the action encouraging me to bring a PETA banner. Its use of light, particularly in a momentary laser scene, is a thing of beauty. This really is a movie to watch on the big screen if you can because it’s more than a movie. It feels like art.

EO is available in cinemas now

I have a rule when I write this blog that I will primarily write about interesting films, not necessarily good ones. While The Fabelmans was great, I ran out of things to say after describing the plot. Therefore, it is to the credit of The Whale that it’s probably the most interesting film I’ve written about for a while.

The film is about Charlie, who following the death of his boyfriend has ballooned up to 600lbs. Following a heart attack in the opening scene of the movie, we learn he only has days to live due to his congestive heart failure. His life involves his nurse, a preacher who wants to save his soul and his daughter who he abandoned eight years ago, who is struggling with life. The movie then looks at people wanting to save one another in different ways, mainly looking at Charlie and his daughter.

No doubt the first thing you will see is that Brendan Fraser’s character is notably bigger than Fraser himself. This is thanks to a fat suit he wears. It’s convincing and never does it feel inauthentic. Alongside Frasers tall lumbering frame and some incredible hair and make up, we get this character that is not a man in a fat suit but a person.

Maybe it’s due to the fact that characters like Charlie don’t lead films, it takes a while to get used to. However, I feel the opening scenes set this film up to fail. When you see Charlie lumbering around, pushed along with a daunting soundtrack the film seems to relish a form of disgust. Look at this freak show, what an idiot. Obviously it’s a contrived way to show some humanity later on, but it defines him and at the point we realise he is going to die, we don’t get the full impact as we just see this body. Maybe it’s meant to be a reflection on a wider society, but it comes across as exploitative. There is a similar scene near the end where Charlie seems to give up where the music and his actions are made to look disgusting, not to show the fact this character has given up, but to show a horrible thing happening. It doesn’t feel sad but cheap. It’s in these moments this film has less heart, using the shock factor to stick in your mind.

The film wants to show a humanity in Charlie and Brendan Fraser does try that. He’s a character whose given up. His apartment is messy and dark, with very little light showing at all. He’s embarrassed by himself and is clearly not in a place where he wants to live, eating himself to death and refusing hospital treatment. Despite this, I never really felt like we got to see Charlie’s humanity. Everything about him is rarely said by himself. Instead his nurse will say things or his daughter explains his life and he looks sad. The film happens around him, not with him and that means we never really get into his character’s truth. This is ironic as his character always tells his students and daughter to write their truth. Ultimately, the story tries to say his truth is his size, which he keeps hidden from his students. This feels a betrayal of his emotional truth.

The film itself reminds me of Aftersun in its themes. It’s actually very similar. A father who has given up on life looks to create memories and legacies for a daughter after he’s gone. However, while Aftersun is a classy nuanced piece of cinema which feels genuine, The Whale feels more contrived, wearing its cognitively failing heart on its sleeve. Everything feels stage like and almost false. You can’t ever get over the fact they’re acting. These lines aren’t natural, they fit their themes. None feel wasted in a stage way, we don’t ever get our characters just talking, but instead working their way through a scene. However, the benefit to this is the emotional climax which will make audiences feel something and no doubt help Fraser win awards, unlike Aftersun’s more restrained Mescal.

I guess this review has primarily focussed on the negatives. Does that mean this is a bad film, no not at all. It’s well made and well acted. Charlie looks incredible and the scenery around them is brilliant. It also makes you think, portraying something new and different. However, its contrived nature means you don’t necessarily feel the humanity you should, the humanity that Charlie deserves.

New year means a new me, as is evident by the fact I’m actually writing on here as opposed to saying “Yeah, I should get around to it”. A new year also means an opportunity for a rebrand and a new blog nemesis, so goodbye Rebel and Jared (until your next films) because we have a new rival in town.

I was trying to find a link to my top 18 films of the year the other day, so lazily googled “The film ramble”, which is usually successful on page 3 of google searches (Not that I google this blog for the sake of it all the time, ergh I sound like a narcicist already). This time however, I was shocked to see something else come up… the film “Rumble”. This isn’t some new blog which sounds way too much like mine but cooler in every way, but an animated film from 2021.

Needless to say, I haven’t watched this shocking looking totally harmless family animation. However, I do decree the makers of this film enemies of the film blog. If you have any opinions on this film other than pure hatred, you’re not welcome on this blog either. Screw this film which was made to stop my attempt at stardom. Damn films, taking my top google search spot.

The following review will spoil the original Avatar (Obviously, stupid)

Speaking of films which mix humans and non humans with no doubt clunky story telling, let’s talk about Avatar: The Way of Water or Avatar 2. Now, it’s been exactly half of my life since the original Avatar came out, a time where I would’ve imagine Citizen Kane to be a biopic of that bloke who missed the penalty in Qatar, and I don’t think I’ve watched Avatar 1 in about 10 years.

So for those who like me, couldn’t remember, Avatar is alive again having had his body turned permanently into a blue person. He’s also been busy over the last 13 years as he has four children, one from the scientist who died and also looks after some Mowgli kid who was the son of the evil soldier in the last film. Their happy existence is ruined when the humans come back, including a blue’d up version of dead sergeant who was made using his memories (this isn’t the only non-sensical thing). To save his people and make something happen in the film, Avatar and family decide to leave the tribe and join the water people who have come straight out of a Sally Hawkins dream. While there, they will learn the way of the water over a long time before an inevitable low stakes hour long fight (It’s a 192 minute film)

So technically, this film has that aesthetic. The characters look kind of alive. It’s odd though, there is almost a smoothness which makes this feel like a video game in style more than a movie. Sure, it’s acquired and there are times I shook this feeling off, but soon enough we would go back to that odd feeling when the camera moved that bit unnaturally or too smoothly. Otherwise, the designs are all great. The creatures are interesting enough and the underwater scenes are vibrant with good use of lighting. If you’re there to watch a good looking film, you’ll be happy and that’s fine.

However, the story doesn’t match the first. Everything feels scaled down in terms of the conflict. There are so many lazy forced decisions from the characters and it feels designed so that Cameron can get to a place for a third film as opposed to a natural flow. Most conflict is because the characters aren’t fitting in to their new land, but after a while you stop caring. I also found there were just too many characters on screen, many of whom were forgettable and poorly written, for me to give a damn by the time we got to the emotional climax of the movie. There were Mr and Mrs, 4 kids, Mowgli and the water people and it was just too unfocussed as it meandered into average family drama with fancy characters.

There just didn’t feel as much to discover in this world. The sea creatures weren’t game changers and the safe environment of a shallow reef never presented any exhilaration that flying through a jungle would. Everything felt lovely and neat, which in a film about how beautiful but dangerous nature could be, just felt missing.

Ultimately, I didn’t hate this film. It was technically very good and worth an evening at the cinema, but despite the fresh coat of paint, this Avatar story just doesn’t live up to the original.

Tár is not just the second half of Avatar but a whole film within itself. Lydia Tár is one of the most famous female composers around. Charismatic, yet cold, we see her leading her last song in her round of conducting the Berlin Symphony Orchestra, having never lasted at an orchestra for so long. Everything seems to be going smoothly before she starts obsessing over a new cellist and allegations begin to come about over her conduct.

The main observation from anybody who watches Tár is that it’s a slow film, almost wearing this as a badge of honour. It plays its whole credits in the first 15 minutes and each scene feels long and drawn out, almost to a point of cinematic parody. In the first 30 minutes, we get a good 10 minute interview with her and then a 15 minute conducting lesson at a local university. At two hours and thirty seven minutes (18 minutes longer than the usual benchmark), this film feels like it should be so boring, but somehow, in an almost difficult to explain way it’s not.

Lydia Tár as a character has a magnetism about her. You want to hear every word she says as you feel she has an authority and a respect with her full unwavering tone of voice. Cate Blanchett brings a gravitas not often seen to the screen, particularly in female roles. Every word at the beginning feels cool and considered before she starts to lose this demeanour later on. Tár is partly a film about her driving herself into insanity slowly as her previous actions start to catch up with her. Yet, there’s a great intrigue about this as it’s a fundamentally cool character. Unlike the Hollywood Adam Driver punching a wall, the film is written with more class. We’re not seeing Tár shout and scream at the beginning, but getting more irate at noises, making irrational decisions, closing herself off from the world. She’s not exploding, but imploding and the story feels better for this.

The whole writing process is classy and grown up. We know Tár has done some things wrong to a former worker of hers. We know she is being “cancelled” for it, but we’re not told what. Why would we be? Lydia already knows what she did and won’t discuss it. Instead we see a list of e-mails in her inbox and her e-mailing about this. Her assistant (played by Noemie Merlant who is just great in everything) asks her about what happened and investigates it herself, but in an indirect way. We see her disgust towards the lead not through her talking, but through a text exchange with a friend, which immediately gives the asymetric information. We see the disdain early.

I mentioned earlier that the film is about Tár being cancelled. Yet, to describe it as that is a real disservice. At the beginning Tar has an argument with a black student about his refusal to conduct Bach due to his past and the student being unable to relate to him, before we see Tár suffer a same fate. However, the whole film feels like it’s about a desire to grab, enjoy and cling on to power. We don’t like Lydia Tár, but we’re interested in her. We follow her thought process clearly, her aloofness allowing us to study her with intrigue from a distance instead of supporting her during her plight.

Technically this film is a masterpiece. Everything from the production design (those lovely 20th century German flats leave me rather envious) to the sound to Tár’s fantastic powerful wardrobe (showing her as in control) all just work to great effect to bring together a great script and actor and deliver an intriguing atmosphere.

While you need to be in the right mood to watch a dragging ambient film, if you give it a chance, Tár really works as a piece of cinema. A well made, subtle but powerful script brought to life by the incredible Monkey from Del Torro’s pinocchio Cate Blanchett is a real winner.