Category: Film

Review: Saint Maud

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I was on the way out of the house to a Picturehouse surprise film preview and my house mate asked me “What film are you seeing?” I replied that I didn’t know as that was he spirit of this evening. I then said “I’m worried it might be a horror film called Saint Maud”. I’m not a fan of horror and when the BBFC card came up revealing the surprise film, well as you can guess from the title of the review, Saint Maud was introduced to me.

When I go to a surprise film preview (I highly recommend them), I want two things, to enjoy it firstly and secondly for it to be something I wouldn’t usually go and see. This film certainly ticked the second part. A low budget horror, we follow former nurse Maud who has gone into palliative care and under the deep spiritual guidance of God finds renewed purpose in dancer Amanda. Amanda’s spine disease means she will die soon, however Maud sees her as lost and considers herself to be the way to focus Amanda and make her soul pure. It’s not a cutesy little film way, it’s a creepy cultish way.

Seriously, do people actually like horror? What on earth appeals about seeing people deliberately stepping on nails or peeling the skin off their hands and being burnt alive . There was some dark un-supernatural shit which wasn’t pleasant to watch either. The director never quite knew what she wanted to do. I knew what I wanted to do and that was to go out of the exit door.

Saint Maud — holiness and horror on the English seaside | Financial Times

I didn’t really like the film because Maud was a crazy witch and Amanda was boring as well. I know horror films are not character focussed, but these ones were just so… lame. The plot thought it was smarter than it was. It was First Reformed without any great questions and a plot twist so predictable that half way through I thought no, it won’t be that easy. Turned out it was.

The music was horror-y, but because it sounded horror-y, I could tell I was watching a horror film. Great, whatever. Now I know I’m watching a film I don’t really like because I don’t like this type of film. The acting was okay. It hardly changed acting.

Not my cup of tea, but horror fans seemed to like it [Grade: D+]

Review: On The Rocks

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Just before I start no doubt what is a very high quality review which discusses themes, cameras and all that twaddle, I want to make something clear. I went to the cinema because I wanted to, not because Boris told me to. This was a decision of my own free will because I am a free man and don’t just bow down to his every whim. This blog is also not part of the deep state, encouraging you to attend the cinema. If you want to, great. If you don’t want to, fine, then don’t.

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Review: The Trial Of The Chicago 7

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Frankly I don’t quite know what Andy Serkin was hoping to achieve. Could any court scene top the one where Pheonix Buchannan is jailed for 10 years and informed he is a disgrace to the noble profession of acting. No, because that was a perfect movie (Unironically).

But on a more serious note, is there a more standard genre of film than a legal drama? I mean, they’re all just very okay. Put in some story of significance, bring in a couple of good actors and a funny moment, and you’ll be fine in the box office. Add in a couple of dodgy legal moments and a character you allegedly care for, that’s a template movie sorted. That’s the main problem I had with Chicago 7, I just felt like I’d seen it before.

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Review: I’m Thinking of Ending Things

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I don’t usually discuss my opinions on Netflix films I haven’t seen in the cinema unless there is a lot I want to say about them or I’m bored on a train journey. Both are true today, so let’s talk about Charlie Kaufman’s film.

We start off this 134 minute film with a car journey as our two protagonists the woman and man are just talking. The woman is monologuing in her mind about how she wants to end the relationship and it’s a little bit creepy as the man almost seems to hear her thoughts. Does he have the shinning (Not the shining, we don’t want to get sued)? Anyway they then go through this long 20 minute conversation about some pretentious shit which is as entertaining as your usual Kenny Jackett brand of football. These characters are pretentious, which means pretentious film snobs might like them because “Oh they’re like me”, but frankly to the rest of the world they’re kind of… you know…

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Review: Rocks

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With an opening shot of our protagonist hanging out in a group of 6, with the Gherkin and the city in the background, we get an immediate look into the stark differences that London can offer. It can offer wealth and fortune for some, but poverty and hardship for others, such as many young people in East London. But what it does offer those without much is a real sense of community. It’s that community which makes Rocks such an endearing watch.

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Les Miserables (2019)

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It’s thematically similar to the 2012 Tom Hooper musical, but shorter and has no Russel Crowe singing. Therefore, it is fully deserving of its perfect grade: [Grade: A+]

I like the idea that someone who hasn’t read my blog and assumes I summarise my thoughts at the beginning will think “What a waste of time” and click off the website and never read it again as it clearly has no substance. While that may be true, I like to think I’m not that bad and for believing this blog hasn’t totally gone to pot, I reward(?) you with a proper review of the 2019 version of Les Miserables, now out in cinemas, a film which was nominated for best international film at the Oscars.

Named after, and thematically similar to the Victor Hugo book/Tom Hooper musical with Hugh Jackman et al, the plot of Ladj Ly’s debut film is somewhat different to it. Inspired by the Paris riots. the film takes place just after France won the world cup (Why didn’t Kane square it to Sterling?), we are introduced to three policeman, team head Chris, Gwada and the new recruit Greaser. The first half of the film sees a tour of one of Paris’ poor predominantly black neighbourhoods, meeting all of the key characters and seeing increasingly suspect policing methods from Chris and a lion cub going missing. We get a feeling on increased tension, all leading to an arrest going wrong and the resulting fall out of it when the police realise a boy with a drone has been filming.

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Review: Away (2019)

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In a week’s time I will be 24. As a twenty four year old, what have I achieved? What special talents to I have? Why am I having such a terribly existential crisis? Well, that’s because this week’s film Away was written, animated, cinematographed and had a score composed for it by one man, Gints Zibalodis who was 25 when he released Away, a film which has been released across UK Cinemas this week.

Away is a rather unique animated film. Much like The Red Turtle, there is no dialogue at all. The film starts with a boy stuck in a parachute in a tree. We have no context of how he got there. Quickly he is found by this translucent king-kong esque mysterious figure. Sensing the danger, boy runs away and finds himself in a cave where he befriends a small yellow bird who cant fly. Together they will attempt to survive on this island and find civilisation, while the creature ominously follows the boy slowly.

Despite the creeping spectre of death, the film feels really calm. It goes at a slow pace and the moments of mild threat are intermittent compared to the moments of vivid beauty the film offers. The art style is tonally different to other films on the market, playing more like an independent video game. There are few details, which makes the most wonderful moments stand out even more. The limited details almost allow for extra grandeur. The different polygonal shades give a real sense of light and a vivid spectrum of colour.

The animated movie “Away” will be screened at the 10th edition of Anibar - Anibar

The lack of expression on the characters faces mean you only gain context and emotion from action and body language. It’s the epitome of look don’t say film making and it works well. You know how to feel and you do feel that way. This is only helped by a fantastically mysterious soundtrack, again produced by Mr Zibalodis, creating an atmospheric world to explore.

Summary

A film for an acquired taste, but if you let Away take you on a journey, you will be transported on a wonderful meditative journey. One of the most unique, stylistic films of the year, it’s well worth a watch. [Grade: B+]

Review: Tenet

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This review is spoiler free.

Hello.

I was talking to some super fans of South West London’s eighteenth best film blog.They said they only really read the beginning  and maybe the end, skipping the middle, which in my opinion is actually the only part of the blog with substance. Then I got thinking… What if I started the blog with the middle, then the end, then go back to the beginning, then the end again and then the middle, ending with the beginning. No, that would be convoluted and difficult.

Tenet is a film which starts in the middle, then the end, then goes back to the beginning, then the end again and then the middle, ending with the beginning*. Described very loosely as Inception with time by some people I think it’s an oversimplification, however it catches the style of the film pretty well. The film sees John David Washington’s protagonist sacrifice himself in an epic opening scene, before he survives and is picked up by a mysterious organisation who tell him to use the word “Tenet” sometimes. I mean, he only used it once, so it was hardly important, however it was a palindrome and a convenient mysterious title. Anyway, he must investigate bullets which are inverted, i.e. they travel from the wall they were shot at back into the gun when it’s fired. Soon this escalates and he and Robert Patterson go to save the world with the power of some form of time travel.

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Review: Pinocchio (2019)

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Yes, I have seen the film you’re interested in knowing about. I have a train journey on Tuesday so will probably write about it then.

So having only planned one film trip on holiday, mum then said that she had seen the advert for Pinocchio and would like to go. As she’d come to Babyteeth the day before, it only seemed appropriate that I go to her preferred film of choice. This time Emma also joined us meaning a diverse group of opinions could come together, or not.

As you probably know, Pinocchio is a story about a craftsman, Geppetto who wants to create the most wonderful puppet in the world. Once he does, Pinocchio magically comes to life. However, he is soon taken away and wants two things, to find his way back home and to become a real boy.

The cinema release is a dubbed version (english voice actors talking over) of the Italian film. While it took me a while to realise, some character lines were off, and the occasional use of words such as Babo (Father) meant I was wishing the whole film would be in Italian for greater authenticity.

Tonally we see much more variance from the old disney film you know and are indifferent to. Out go the songs and primary colours. In come the darker colour scheme and mild threat. The jolly jingles are replaced by a much grander soundtrack as we see a story more in line with the source material. The film takes some rather dramatic turns, a highlight being the attempted hanging of Pinocchio in order to get gold out of his mouth. It was quite something to see in a kids film.

One of the most spectacular parts of the film was the lack of CGI. Mark Coulier’s (The one who made Freddie’s BoRhap teeth) make up and prosthetics were absolutely fantastic. Each character looked fantastic and really melded in with the aesthetic. The wooden puppets especially were brilliantly unnerving.

Film Review: Pinocchio

The heart and the soul of the film come from Roberto Benigni. The opening 30 minutes with him in were the most smile inducing and once the focus shifted more to Pinocchio exclusively, we lost that warm feeling. While the main villains the cat and the fox provided some level of humour, on an emotional level the film was not quite there.

The pacing was also slightly off. The film came in at 125 minutes, when in reality it didn’t need to be longer than 90 minutes. The trials that Pinocchio overcame never really seemed to develop him, instead leaving the plot feeling much more stagnant.

Summary

A tonally interesting and refreshing take on the story, Pinocchio was definitely a stylistic film. However, much like puppet at times it felt rather wooden and was missing a heart. [Grade: C+]

Review: Babyteeth

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This week, I’m away on holiday which means many things, firstly it means a couple of weeks without a “What I Watched This Week” post. Secondly, it means I’ll watch less movies as the social obligations kick in. Thirdly, it means when I do go to the cinema, it likely won’t be alone (A common idea for most people, but for some reason, nobody ever wants to go and watch an Indonesian art house drama). This film’s special guest was my mother.

When you go to the cinema with your parents, and the BBFC black card comes up, the awkward fears come true. In amongst the title card description listing the reasons for age rating is that three letter word which you’ve been dreading. The word that if you know it’s coming up in a film at home, you go to the toilet/make a drink. However, in a cinema you can’t leave and just have to sit there awkwardly. However, that’s all in the first ten minutes. Then for the rest of the 2 hours, you can enjoy the film and just feel relieved you’re watching a movie about a girl with terminal cancer instead.

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