So I was talking in the pub to my not particularly esteemed colleagues. The existence of this blog comes up. They’ve seen it, I don’t hide it. Luke Harrison mentions that the jokes in here are the same ones I used at work which got the best reaction, suggesting I don’t see my 9-5 as providing the cutting edge good or service I provide, but merely as a test lab for blog lines. Well, that’s it. No more jokes there, or on the blog. Done, finitum, tough luck. He also accused me of using clickbait titles. That’s also done, finitum, tough luck.

Anyway, the rumours are false. I was not given a nice suit and tie to give The Substance five stars. Free tickets to watch Taylor Swift to hype up Paddington 2? Fake news. Anyway, what is true is that between work trips, holiday trips and illness is that my film watching has been limited to Netflix plus a couple of other bits and pieces. Therefore, this piece will be a brief write up of three films of choice.

Let’s start off with Joker: Folie a Deux. I won’t talk along about it to say anything other than it’s the worst film I’ve seen for a couple of years. Following Arthur’s murderous spree, he’s in jail. He has a court case. He starts to feel regret about his actions. He also falls in love with Lady Gaga’s Harley Quinn. It’s a hodge-podge of a plot which gets worse and worse. The film is boring, the characters are a mess, it’s boringly unprovocative. It forgets what it wants to do.

The worst element however, is that it’s a musical. Pretty much all of the songs are sung by Joaquin Pheonix, an actor who can’t sing. Meanwhile, most of the acting attempts were done by Mrs Gucci herself, Lady Gaga, a singer who can’t act. It was rubbish, utter tosh. Don’t watch it. I’m not even putting a trailer up to tempt you. Bye

Speaking of crime musicals, Emilia Perez was released in cinemas last week (and on Netflix on 13th November). Rita is an underappreciated lawyer and one day is given a mystery call. She is taken to her client, the fearsome cartel boss Manitas who wants Rita to find a doctor to perform gender re-assignment surgery and then help Manitas disappear and keep his family safe.

Flash forward four years into the future, in London Rita meets and recognises the mysterious Emilia Perez who wants to be re-united with her family and also asks Rita to help her new NGO which looks for missing people. The whole thing is a crime movie meets Mrs Doubtfire, with musical showmanship on the top. It won’t work for quite a few people and took a while for me to get into, but once I did, it was a romp.

By Jacques Audiard, this movie is sickly full of style. Attempting to be a crime drama, a musical and a comedy at times, it balances the tone superbly throughout it’s runtime. As well as keeping a good pace, the strongest element of this film is it’s leads. Both Zoe Saldana as Rita, and Selena Gomez as Manitas’ wife Jesse bring in some of the best supporting performances of the year. However, it’s Karla Sofia Gascon, a transgender woman, who leads as both Manitas and Emilia with such grace, making her one of the most interesting characters on the screen.

Emilia is a complex character, fundamentally loving her children beyond all else, however in moments we see Manitas’ anger come back through, in the world of pain. We see her befriend Jesse who is unaware of who Emilia really is, and hear frank reflections on their relationship. It’s a tale of redemption and a cautionary tale of people who don’t change.

The songs, on the whole, were good. Being in Spanish, there aren’t any standouts from one viewing that I can remember, but all of them brought you into the story naturally. The film itself felt like a stage play adaptation, but isn’t based on a stage play. It is an odd tone, and honestly something I probably would’ve enjoyed to see on the stage more. That said, it was still really well made, and will be far more rewarding to see on the big screen than on Netflix.

Film of the Month

A film which isn’t a crime musical which came out this month was the endearing Dreamworks animation The Wild Robot. A service robot called ROZZUM Unit 7134 or Roz, voiced by Lupita N’yongo washes up on an island in a shipwreck and is turned on. Learning about the island, she soon has an accident and is left caring for a goose egg. When this baby hatches, it becomes her task to raise it to swim and fly. As this isn’t in her code, she develops new code and even emotions to help build a bond with this baby and to help it survive. She is helped by a loner fox and starts to get to know all of the local animals in this sweet tale of community.

The first thing to say is how beautiful this movie is. I don’t know when animation got so good, but between this and Puss 2, Dreamworks are really running ahead in the animation game, eclipsing the standard lazy Pixar efforts. This film looks even better than Puss2, with the nature of the island being beautiful and feeling dynamic, to all create a vibrant sense of place.

The supporting cast also create this. Pedro Pascal’s fox is a big player, but Catherine O’Hara’s Pinktail the possum and Matt Berry’s Paddler the beaver are both stand outs. The leads of Nyong’o and Kit Connor as the duck both bring their all and the writing makes this feel a sensitive and emotional movie. It didn’t have me bawling my eyes out quite like the Iron Giant, however it did have me feeling for all the characters.

Of course it’s fairly standard. The three act story may not throw out many surprises. The soundtrack was wonderful, although the random pop song montage of training and time going by in the middle took me out of it a bit. However, the who film with it’s wonderful place and characters and bond between the lead two characters were moving. This film will win the best animated feature at all the awards shows next year, and while I haven’t seen all the others, I will say when it does win, it will be deservedly so.

One line summaries of the other films I watched:

Rez Ball – Fairly by the numbers basketball high-school drama. It’s harmless

Uglies – Teenagers get turned pretty at 18. Like the substance but rubbish. Some of the worst writing I’ve seen. Nonsense.

A Different Man – Man who had disfigured face gets miracle cure. Like the substance but okay. A bit of a nonsensical drag.

The Outrun – Saorise Ronan is great in drugs drama. Rest of characters don’t get enough time, so world feels a bit hollow. Slow.

The Apprentice – Trump drama well enough acted, a bit of a cheap Godfather. Doesn’t re-invent the wheel but solid

Humanist Vampire Seeking Consent of Suicidal Person – Light hearted indie twaddle. A solid movie, the title is the best bit.

My Old Ass – Surprisingly funny and heartfelt coming of age indie comedy featuring Aubrey Plaza. teenager has a mushroom trip and meets future version of themselves. Worth watching when streaming. Thanks for the recommendation Luke Harrison.