You may notice that this month’s film review is weirdly early (or incredibly late if I run out of time). The reason for this is simple. I am a fugitive. Following my decision to possibly loot a CEX for ten copies of Shakespeare in Love, the police are now after me, for crimes in film taste. I have therefore decided to lie low for a few weeks. However, this does mean a lack of cinema for the forseeable. Oh well, consume your popcorn and don’t be like the woman who earlier today said loudly she was unhappy to be behind someone with a big head. I was in front of her. You didn’t say it quietly. Bitch…

Here are the best and the most disappointing films I’ve seen this year.

There are three films I really want to write about. The first is possibly one of my biggest disappointments of the year. Despite many others loving it, I really don’t get the hype behind Sing Sing. Named after the prison in which this true story was set, the movie shows an acting group preparing for a play. Meanwhile, the happy optimist theatre buff writer Divine G (Colman Domingo) has to deal with an upcoming probation review. He also befriends Divine I, played by Clarence Macklin, a hard man who needs to open up. You can guess how it all goes.

The film relies on its authenticity, with everybody apart from Domingo being a prisoner who was in the group. They all give it a good go, with Macklin especially delivering. The look is nice as well, with a good attempt at cinematography. The gliding camera in the room feels intimate. Colman Domingo was also good and will likely be seen around the awards season. However, I found that the movie felt empty. You never could feel the struggle of the prisoners as you never saw prisoners or life outside the theatre rehearsals. The scenes all felt pretty separate as well, more a loose anthology than a tight narrative. Both of these problems meant that I really didn’t feel the emotional pay off. It felt more as if the movie was telling me to be sad.

While I often don’t like the horror genre, there is an emotionally intense self hurting toil I do seem to enjoy. Whether that be dance drama Black Swan or car coitus caper Titane. There were elements of both of these in what could be the most marmite film of the year, The Substance.

Demi Moore plays Elizabeth Sparkles, a former big time actress spending her days producing exercise videos, like days of old. On her fiftieth birthday, she finds out the company finds her too old and is replacing her with a younger fresher model. She is then approached about a trial product called The Substance which can be used to hack your DNA and split you into yourself and a younger “more perfect” version (as if Demi isn’t perfect as she is). Except the rule is you must switch between them across seven days. As you can imagine, this film goes mad, and pretty damn gnarly.

The best horror films reflect the society they show. Get Out reflects racism, His House the immigrant experience, Black Swan the ideals of perfection and The Substance is no different. Unapologetically unsubtle, it looks at a celebrity culture which celebrates youth and the dangerous extent people go to in order to capture it. It also looks at how people treat beautiful people differently to those not as conventionally pretty (Again, not that Demi Moore isn’t pretty). The film runs like a Black Mirror episode, revealing a character, an issue, a technology and a consequence of it.

My favourite thing about this movie was the aesthetic. Everything felt hyper realistic. The production design was full of neon colours, while the white bathroom where the horror tends to take place felt out of Saw. The cinematography was unapologetically suggestive, making the younger version of Elizabeth often sexualised, compared to her older character. The music was quite grimey in a fun way that almost played against some of the bubble-gum colours. The sound was horrific, and without spoiling anything, the make up in this movie is the best I’ve seen for years.

The actors were all great as well. Demi Moore put herself in ASBO contention if the Oscars do their usual thing and ignore horror (with the caveat that Natalie Portman did win for Black Swan). Considering her usual sort of film, this one felt vulnerable and expertly done. Margaret Qualley who played Sue, or the younger Elizabeth matched her older counter part’s narcissism. Meanwhile, Dennis Quaid, playing a skeezy programme executive is as over dramatic and entertaining as everything else.

What really takes this film to the next level is the script. Winner of best screenplay at Cannes, this film is so unpredictable. It’s fun because you don’t know where it’s going to go. I was sat there aghast and entertained. Amused at times and unable to look at the screen at others. Comedy and horror are intricately linked here, as the movie satires society accurately.

Undoubtedly one of my favourite movies of the year, The Substance is almost perfect. If only it were 20 minutes shorter, I don’t think I’d have a complaint. The ending did feel ridiculous and overly-long and there were much better ways it could have gone. Obviously, I won’t spoil it here, but yeah. Doesn’t stop it being a give star movie.

Go and watch it, in cinemas September 20th.