And we are back… With the ASBOs almost written up that must mean its Oscars time within the next 24 hours, so let’s look through who I’d pick to win the awards, starting with the major five:

Best Supporting Actor

I’ll note immediately I’ve not seen Causeway. It’s on Apple TV and I can’t be bothered to pay for it. I was suprised Judd Hirsh got nominated for five minutes of okay screen time. Barry Keoghan was the heart of Banshees while Brendan Gleeson was the second lead. Meanwhile Ke Huy Quan was the heart of Everything Everywhere all at Once (hereafter EEAAO). When I saw that film, I was convinced he’d win an ASBO award, but alas the Oscars snapped him up and are likely to deservedly award it to him. I’d fully agree with this, I hope Ke Huy Quan wins. His variety of Waymonds he played in the multiverse jumping movie was wonderful and he delivered my favourite movie line of the year perfectly about doing laundry and taxes in another universe.

Best Supporting Actress

I was suprised about the double nomination for EEAAO. Both actresses had a shot, with Jamie Lee Curtis mainly getting in due to how pally she is with the Oscar circuit. Stephanie Hsu is fine in her role, although there are many great ASBO nominees who would have also been great. Angela Basset was okay marvel at best, while Hong Chau gave it a good go in a difficult, melodramatic play. However, if there is any justice, the award will go to Kerry Condon for her performance in The Banshees of Inisherin. She was the heart of the film, opposite to Colin Farrell’s simplicity and to Brendan Gleeson’s hostility. She kept it grounded in reality when it could’ve been silly otherwise while also bringing strong emotional moments.

Best Actress in a Leading Role

I haven’t watched Blonde, so sorry. The most controversial nominee of the year was Andrea Riseborough in To Leslie who gave a conventional good performance in the film. While not as good as Danielle Deadwyller, I won’t hold it against her. Michelle Williams was good in The Fabelmans as well as Stephen Spielberg’s mum. She really brought a heart to the film, however in my mind it’s a two horse race between Cate Blanchett in Tar and Michelle Yeoh in EEAAO. Yeoh was great, she was exciting, energetic and emotional in a fun way. However, despite the slowness of Tar, Cate Blanchett was magnetising, owning the screen in a captivating way. Her characters breakdown over the course of the film was nuanced and great. It felt gradual and never forced. A tour de force of acting, it’s an essential performance.

Best Actor in a Leading Role

Unfortunately, one of my two least favourite performances on this list will probably win the Oscar on the night. Austin Butler’s Elvis was fine, standard biopic fair but nothing to write home about. Brendan Fraser’s The Whale performance was overly dramatic and really didn’t interest me. The other three performances were great. Bill Nighy was classy as a dying man in Living, while Paul Mescal’s depressed dad and Colin Farrell’s comedic loneliness were both top standard. This is actually the toughest decision in the blog post. Fine, Banshees, Colin Farrell. But go and watch Aftersun anyway because if that wins tomorrow, I’ll be over the moon.

Best Picture:

I think you can split this years 10 nominees into a few groups. You have the popular and unpopular. The good and the rubbish. The big and the small. It’s a really interesting bunch and even if I found 5 to not be to my taste, that’s fine because others would have enjoyed them.

10) Elvis was 103/106 in my film rankings last year. It was dreadful. Fat Tom Hanks with his accent? no thank you. Constant cuts and editing to make you feel dizzy? No thank you. Rubbish Amadeus parody opening line? Go home. By the time the film had settled it had already lost me. At least Dad enjoyed when we went. Shame he got COVID from it though.

9) Avatar: The Way of Water was totally fine, except for all the stupid decisions that weren’t inkeeping with the plot and the fact that nothing really happens for the first two hours (Oscar films were long this year). It was like the first film, but just not as interesting. It looked nice, but I was hoping they’d kill the bad guy to avoid three more sequels.

8) Triangle of Sadness is a real artsy film. But Joe, you like artsy films. No, I like good films. There is a difference. This film is made up of three acts. In the first one, an unlikable couple argues about paying a bill as the woman earns more in their modelling industry. A bit boring, but fine it’s a set up. In the second act, they’re on a cruise ship. It starts okay, but very quickly goes into rich people are bad which doesn’t feel fresh or new. There are endless poo and sick gags and 10 minute of Woody Harrelson yelling communism quotes he’s reading off his phone (Oscar films are long this year). The third act on a desert island is forced but also the most interesting part. It’s a shame they didn’t focus on that more and cut the other two parts. Oh well…

7) All Quiet on the Western Front is the Oscars attempt at anti-military propaganda. Based on a book and a 1930 film, this Netflix re-telling is an okay war film with a dodgy score, but an atrocious adaptation which fails to show the psychological horrors of war on its protagonist and brings in a whole bunch of extra scenes which take away from the source material nuance.

6) Top Gun Maverick is the Oscars attempt at pro-military propaganda. You know what you’re getting. Tom Cruise goes vroom in some fast planes. It’s predictable and easy, but pleases crowds. It’s also well made, so needs some credit. It doesn’t reinvent the wheel but flies high with its fans.

Now let’s talk about some films I was happy with

5) Women Talking was a well written, well acted piece about a group of Mennonites who have to decide how to deal with crimes against them, whether to stay and fight or to leave and if so how. It was an interesting piece, except one old woman kept wanting to talk about her horses. It won’t stay long in the memory of the film world, but was a fine effort.

4) The Fabelmans: This was the sweet feel good Coda sort of film for a family film club. Stephen Spielberg writes about Stephen Spielberg and his parents’ divorce. While sentimental, this film’s greatest strength is its honesty about his childhood. It’s a charming, conventional family film if not much else.

3) Tar: Now we’re getting to the films that actually deserve a best picture win. If any of these three films win Best Picture, it will be well deserved. The least likely of the trio is Tar, a 2hour 40 minute slog (Oscars films are long this year) about a female conductor losing control of her life. It’s well written, masters its pace with interesting scenes even when not much is happening. Cate Blanchett is fantastic as is her supporting cast. A brilliant piece of art which is better seen in a room with few distractions.

2) Everything Everywhere All At Once: The bookies favourite, it would be great if this film one as its got a lot going against it. Its been 10 months since release, the actors haven’t been big for a while and it’s a huge genre piece. The Oscars don’t like sci-fi or action movies, but this is just that and honestly the best version of that I’ve seen for a long time. A mother who struggles to get along with her daughter and husband who has a failing laundromat ends up multi-verse hopping seeing different versions of herself based on her choices while trying to save the universe from a great threat. It’s interesting, heart warming, creative and new and has captured the imagination as a box office success story. This is the sort of film we should be rewarding.

And the Best Picture goes to Banshees of Inisherin: While EEAAO did a lot well, Banshees did very little but did it very well. A razor sharp comedy about two friends on an island off the coast of Ireland, it was smart, witty and well acted. Martin McDornagh’s funniest film, this gets everything right. This film feels like its on an island and the simple stakes seem high based on the isolation from the world. It’s brilliantly paced and keeps twisting and turning in unexpected ways and has an unbelievably cute donkey in it. What more can you want. If anything knocks EEAAO out of top spot, it will probably be this.

Best of the rest

Best Original Screenplay: This years nominees are stacked. It’s a 50/50 between the madness of EEAAO and the razor sharp dialogue of Banshees. I’d just about give this award to Banshees of Inisherin

Best Adapted Screenplay: is maybe not as good (Glass Onion 2?, Really) All Quiet is an awful adaptation, Living wasn’t great at writing (its source material isn’t the greatest, so it’s an okay adaptation). Top Gun 2 is okay, so I’ll give the award to the only actual good one, Women Talking (although last year they awarded Coda over Drive my Car so the Oscars are stupid. I don’t care)

Animated Film is a ridiculous category. I haven’t seen Sea Beast so can’t comment, but if the worst is Turning Red, that’s fine. Marcel the shell was decent and Puss in Boots was more than decent. I’d recommend both films to anybody. However, Pinocchio was pure art, so should win.

Cinematography: I’m a bit short here as I haven’t seen Empire of Light and could only get through the first 10 minutes of Bardo. Tar was decent, Elvis had some good shots, but All Quiet on the Western Front looked the most impressive so that can win

Costume Design: If I’d seen Mrs Harris goes to Paris that would probably win, but I haven’t. Black Panther 2 was good but more of the same. Babylon was fine. Elvis was great in this regard, but the sheer variety of picture perfect costumes in EEAAO mean it should win this one

Directing is always a tough category and the 5 nominees here all made totally different pieces of art. Todd Field’s control of pacing was great and under appreciated by many, however the amount that Daniels managed to do to make a competent package was fantastic, so I’ll award them for EEAAO

Editing: again, all fantastic. Top Gun was really smooth. Elvis wasn’t my cup of tea. EEAAO was incredible in this department so has to win again.

International: Finally one that EEAAO can’t win. All Quiet wasn’t a great movie, so that won’t win. Close was an interesting premise ditched in the name of indulgent melodrama so no… Argentina, 1985 was a good legal drama. My top two are A Quiet Girl, an understated Gaelic film about belonging and EO a film about a donkey coming across the best and worst of humanity while finding his way home. I’ll back that damn donkey all the way so EO wins

Make up and Hairstyling: Ahh my forte. The two best films for this were Elvis which transformed this actor into a character and showed his decline well or The Whale which also uses make up to show increasingly I’ll health in a nuanced way (the only nuanced thing about the film). I’ll give this award to The Whale

Music (Original Score): This one isn’t close. The best thing about Babylon and the main thing that kept me there for 3 hours was the score. It’s on my film soundtrack playlist and felt so fresh.

Original Song: I don’t really care for awarding generic pop. What I do care for is awarding songs that are key and memorable in a film. Naatu, naatu naatu naatu naatu, naatu, naatu. How can the dance scene in RRR not bring a smile to the face

Production Design: How can you have production design when in front of a green screen. It’s a pretty good green screen huh Avatar 2. Best production design goes to Elvis

Sound Design: This is 5 big epics which all were rather fake-ish. Avatar 2, Batman, All Quiet, Elvis and Top Gun 2 were well designed and never felt out of place. The winner here has to be Top Gun Maverick though

Visual Effects: It’s an identical list to the Sound Design except replacing Elvis with Black Panther 2. Again, while Avatar 2 was impressive, it never felt natural. Top Gun Maverick did all the way, so that can win again.

Winners

4 – Banshees of Inisherin, Everything Everywhere All At Once

2 – Top Gun: Maverick

1 – Babylon, Elvis, The Whale, RRR, GDT’s Pinocchio, Tar, Women Talking, All Quiet On The Western Front, EO