Rye Lane/ The Beasts/ Five Devils

So that’s the award season all done huh. Everything Everywhere cleaned the Oscars as it deserved to, while Aftersun lead the ASBOs. So… now what? Do we go back to our petty feud with everyone’s favourite cult member Tom Cruise in his attempt to bring down the blog along with the church of Scientology?

No, instead I shall extend the olive branch by listing all of Tom Cruise’s incredible top tier films:

On with the reviews…

In a world of increasingly long films which build a universe and a world, it’s somewhere for our imaginations to go. Yet, despite the beauty of Pandora or the excitement of the MCU, we forget the excitement and the beauty of the mundane which we encounter everyday. Rye Lane as a film goes directly against this, making art of its surroundings. Not only is it one of the most exciting, fresh romcoms of recent times, it’s also a beautiful love letter to the director’s home of Peckham.

A concept that sounds simple, at an odd art exhibition our lead Yas hears Dom crying in the toilets. He’s having a private moment of reflection as he’s still hurting from a break up a few months back. When Yas later recognises his shoes, she then befriends him as they explore Peckham and Brixton and it turns out he’s meeting his ex this day. She decides to join before their friendship grows and over the course of the day, Dom decides to help Yas and hijinks ensue as our characters start to fall for each other.

At just 82 minutes long, this film flies by. No scene feels wasted, and is instead filled with this positive, exciting energy which makes every moment feel important and a pleasure to watch. The comedy is more often than not on point and efficient. It also helps teach us about the characters, not just putting in jokes for jokes sakes and really is the archetypal definition of a rom-com. David Jonsson and Vivian Oparah both have so much chemistry, it all feels natural and never forced.

Much like When Harry met Sally, this is a tale of flawed characters, albeit in a simple way. Dom is nervous, hung up on his last relationship and the level headed of this comedic duo. Meanwhile, Yas is much more bubbly, yet her lingering self doubt is more internalised as her cockiness almost comes across as a mask.

Sure, these two characters are the main ones, but the third one is South London, mostly Peckham. We meet big characters, see beautiful places and it’s shot like a piece of art. We witness many colourful buildings and strange people who are not there to be laughed at, but to be appreciated as unique parts of this area’s architecture. It becomes so apparent this film is made by people from the area and it really is a wonderful love letter.

The way the film is shot is wonderfully creative as well. Grounded realism with a set of narrow close up shots allow these characters time to be the sole focus, against the aforementioned backdrop. The witty dialogue intercut with scenes of imagination (A break up story is briefly shown in front of a theatre of consisting of an audience of the other character). Never does this feel out of place as it remembers to keep its characters front and centre both with its script and production.

Rye Lane is a thing of beauty. A brilliantly warm and funny film about being your best self, this rom com succeeds at both the rom and the com to lead to a brilliantly fresh film.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Rye Lane is in cinemas now

There is something oddly haunting about communities of the world. They’re tight knit, very good to one another, but hostile towards others. We see this in rural communities often, with probably the most famous example being Hot Fuzz whose community did things for their greater good (the greater good). While that fictitious comedy is amusing, Spain’s latest True Crime drama The Beasts certainly isn’t a chirpy stroll in the park.

While watching this film, I had no idea it was based on true events. The film starts with a group of men wrestling down a horse to tag it, showing an immediately macho environment. We then see this rural Spanish community into which an academic French couple move. When we meet this community, they have already fallen out with the male, Antoine, who they refer to as just “Frenchy”. It turns out he has voted against an energy company planting wind turbines, thus denying the poverty stricken toiling farmers a big pay day and a new start. When suspicious events start to happen, Antoine buys himself a camera to record the goings on. However, this only antagonises the locals more, particularly brothers Xan and Lorenzo.

This whole film manages to create a nastily eerie atmosphere, with an understated flutey score which is almost like the wind, but in an unnatural way. The relationships between the characters leave you with a feeling that something bad is going to happen, with a gradual escalation built on desperation. This is helped by an absolutely top form cast. Denis Menochet as the stubborn Antoine is likable and fully believable as is his fearful wife, played by Marina Fois. Luis Zehera and Diego Anido as the siblings put themselves up for early ASBO 2024 contention as well. Anido particularly with a tilting head and uneasy staring. There are loud scenes with great dialogue, but the most tension seems to happen when people aren’t saying anything and the director flawlessly allows the tension to build quietly in the right places.

The long scenes of dialogue show who our characters are and how they will never agree. The thematic strands of poverty and environment are both shown in a fully brilliant and well thought out way, with frustration and stubbornness flowing through both the main plot and the coda. This film has stuck in my head since watching it as I couldn’t take my eyes away throughout the whole 137 minutes.

An absolute masterclass in tension, The Beasts is a top level Spanish psychological thriller with a tight script, beautiful scenery, but most tellingly top class acting from everybody involved. This is a film you won’t be able to look away from.

Rating: 4.5 out of 5.

The Beasts is available in cinemas and on Curzon Home Cinema now

I went into The Five Devils totally blind, not sure what to expect as I hadn’t even seen a trailer. It was this or John Wick 4 or Allelujah. Therefore, it totally caught me by surprise that I enjoyed this film as much as I did.

Joanne is not in a happy place in life. She seems to have totally fallen out of love with husband Jimmy, with whom she has a daughter Vicky. One day she’s out with Vicky who shows her sense of smell is rather supernatural. She can find her mum when blindfolded just using that sense, while she is also collecting and recreating smells of other people. When Jimmy’s sister Julia turns up one day, everybody has to face the past. This includes Vicky who by using the smells of Julia can travel back in time and see what lead to this moment, but also influence it.

This leads to a really weird dark fairytale. This partly reminds me of Scandi gothic tales such as Border or Let the Right One In, while also having a story oddly similar to Back to the Future. This leads to an intriguind and unpredictable tale, which is also a fantastic and totally unique romance. The script is smart in that it constantly shifts your perceptions of who is god and who is bad, with no character ever seemigly a protagonist or antagonist as more of this puzzle box is revealed.

As well as being well acted, this film was shot beautifully. The cinematography airs a mystique, with some fantastically interesting shots. The scenes all look beautiful and the lighting conveys the emotion so well. While the title suggests this is a horror, it certainly isn’t. Instead, it’s a romantic film and a brilliant one which leaves you wanting more.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

The Five Devils is out now in cinemas and on MUBI on May 12th

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s the 2023 ASBO’s

Note before I start: Yes, I know these pop culture references are already out of fashion. This post takes a long time to write… okay…

It’s time to parody songs. It’s time to write the lines. It’s time to see some new films in the ASBO awards tonight.

It’s time to come up with hosts. It’s time to write the noms. It’s time to get things started on the most sensational, aspirational, celebrational

This is what we call the ASBO show……

Here we are. Back after another year, and boy do we have some exciting movies, 52 to discuss it turns out, so let’s get on with it. Any film released in the UK in the last year is elegible for an ASBO in a given category as long as it isn’t nominated for an Oscar in the same one. If it is nominated in another category however, it is allowed to be ASBO nominated in the first category. Please welcome your hosts Paddington Bear and Gary Lineker

P: Yes, welcome everybody. Aunt Lucy will be so happy to see I’m hosting again.

G: Indeed, boy do we have some great films to see tonight.

P: Mr Lineker, can I ask you a quick question? Why aren’t you presenting Match of the Day

G: Well, turns out I had a free Saturday and the Asbos gave me a better offer. I do this for free and I get to tweet what I want about refugees.

P: Oh, but The Daily Mail won’t be happy if they find out you got another presenting gig.

G: It’s fine. Nobody reads this blog anyway. Onto the first award. I said you couldn’t write Leicester’s Premier League win in the 2015/16 season. These fine nominees could. Here is best adapted screenplay.

The four films here all did incredible jobs of bringing stories to life. After Yang made up believe in a futuristic robot family. Wheel of Fortune and Fantasy took us through three short stories about the human connection. Pinocchio told a story as old as time itself. However, the first ASBO of the night has to go to The Quiet Girl. This film was a beautiful story about the connection between a girl and her adoptive summer family. While a reserved movie, the lines really brought out characters in a brilliantly emotional way.

P: Oh Mr Lineker, I do like Animation. These nominees are both incredible examples of how animation can bring stories to life

Despite the Oscars doing a good job at nominating the better animated films this year (Damn them for making this post tougher), there were still two exceptional films in the animated category. While Anne Frank was an informative, creative story for children to learn about a historical figure, Entergalactic was a ninety minute music video from Kid Cudi showing romance in New York city. With its Spiderverse-esque style and great tone, Entergalactic wins the ASBO.

Every single film here looked stunning. Aftersun’s home movie footage had a legitimacy where you truly believed what you were watching. EO made you empathise with a donkey. However, with an impressive array of shots to make Paris almost seem like a warzone, the best cinematography this year undoubtedly came from Athena. Just watch this scene and tell me otherwise

What exactly is a director? Well, they put everything together and all four of these directors were central towards making a great movie. Charlotte Wells on no budget, Park Chan Wook seemlessly blending between genres, Jerzy managing six different donkeys and Jaffer Panahi making a movie without being there. Panahi’s story is really fascinating. Banned by his home country from making movies, he’s had to put together No Bears with fear of punishment and without getting caught doing so. Despite this, he still put together a fantasically complex movie. Therefore, Jafer Panahi wins the ASBO. Congrats Jafar

The four nominated documentaries were all strong entries from masters of their trade. The Territory told an urgent story about Amazon deforestation from an objective and interesting viewpoint. My Old School is one of the weirdest true crime dramas around which remains low stakes but deeply personal. A Bunch of Amateurs is a film about a group of old men who look to keep their cinema club alive, yet provides a deep look into each of their lives. However, the best doc asbo has to go to Children of the Mist, a film about forced marriages in a remote mountain community. It reveals the layers of a family dynamic in a nuanced way, while looking at a shocking subject manner. A brilliantly emotive film. Congratulations on your ASBO.

This is the 30 seconds of the year where I claim to know about hair and make up, so let’s get this out the way. Bones and All showed a brilliant weirdness. Northman and Triangle showing a rugged desperation while Nitram uses its make up to show somebody who has given up. Joyland is glamorous, however the hair and make up in Burundi film Neptune Frost means I can’t really give this award to anyone else. I watched the film and still don’t know what happened. Here’s a clip. Congratulations on your first ASBO Burundi

Sometimes, one film dominates a field so I won’t go into other nominations. This time, Aftersun wins best editing. It’s incredible and put together so smoothly. The Under Pressure scene (which contains thematic spoilers) shows the editing at its best

Time for something else I don’t know about, clothes. People wear them in films. In Neptune Frost someone wears a hat with five bike tyres. What does this mean? Everyone is looking on fleek (I’ll never say that again). The Woman King wins it, why not.

Here we go, what a set of movies. Great Freedom, an incredible Shawshank-esque tale of post WWII Germany. Joyland, a forbidden love story about a man and a trans women in Pakistan. You Resemble Me, a film about the worlds first female suicide bomber done with a real suave. Playground, a simple story about a girl dealing with her older brother being bullied. Onoda, a war epic where there is no war happening. However, Park Chan Wook’s seductive mystery thriller Decision To Leave was one of the best of the genre, bringing out a noir Hitchcock feel. This is cinema at its best. Shame on the Oscars for totally snubbing this masterpiece. Oh well, my gain.

A brilliant set here again. I mentioned the bottom 3 in the last category. Broker is a fun, exciting film about the values of family which turns up the charm. Bodies is a film which will divide, but remains an entertaining and sharp satire murder mystery, much more so than Glass Onion. However, the winner of its second ASBO of the night has to be Aftersun. Meticulously thought through, the natural style of dialogue feels like one you’d hear on any family holiday. The humanity breezes through effortlessly thanks to an incredible piece of writing.

Production Deisgn is “Do the buildings look cool?” From the helplessness of Nitram to the expansive world of The Batman to the utopian feeling The Woman King, these films have taken us all into different worlds. However, the ASBO winner for this category has to be The Northman for its incredibly eerie scenery.

The soundtracks of all five of these films are fantastic. From Athena’s operatic calm against the chaos to Casablanca’s rap soundtrack, After Yang provides a futuristic scifi fantasy, A shout out to the simple charming Pinocchio with a whimsical soundtrack inkeeping with its theme and visuals. However, with a huge blockbuster soundtrack, brooding and epic, my choice for the ASBO is The Batman

For Best Original Song (an award I never really care about) I originally assumed Naatu Naatu wouldn’t get nominated so would win (Damn Oscars). Anywhow, I’ve got two nominees. Pinocchio’s Ciao Papa is the emotional heartbeat of the film, while Binary Stars really brings out the tone of its own. I love a weird song and don’t really care too much, so the ASBO goes to Binary Stars – Neptune Frost. What does this song sound like you ask? Well…

Sound is what seperates film from the Stone Ages, according to Babylon, which while self indulgent sounded great. Nope was crazy and sounded epic. Meanwhile, my choice for its incredible under water moments and feeling of claustrophobia as a result is the true story drama Thirteen Lives, a strong film about the Thai cave rescue of a few years ago.

Nope’s spaceship enemy looked epic and the chaotic scenes were very well made. EEAAO, which has been missing from the ASBOs due to its Oscar success, had ridiculous practical effects throughout. However, in RRR the guy fought a lion and set a zoo on the british royals. If I set a tiger on Charles, I get arrested for treason, while RRR only gets an ASBO. Congrats RRR. Its stupid, but I don’t care. My blog, my rules.

G: Now on to the acting awards. These actors all provided such good performances they make Neymar’s dives look embarrassing in comparison. Not that it takes much.

Each of these women gave a brilliant performance. Whether it was Women Talking through their trauma or a girl finding themself in Finland. A mad woman with whom a future criminal finds solace, or a love interest. However, the top two here are both characters who really bring the themes of their films to the surface. Rasti Farooq was the wife left behind. Stuck in a patriachal society, she is forced to give up her dreams and her husband for what? However, the winner is Dolly De Leon – Triangle of Sadness. While ToS wasn’t my favourite film, Dolly was great, first as the cleaner then the leader of the island in the third act. She owned the place and her final scene was a masterclass in acting without words.

When I watched EEAAO, I assumed this small indie film would be forgotten by oscar time and that Ke Huy Quan would be an ASBO shoe in. Well, I got that wrong. The actors here all play great roles in their firlms from horrible creepy characters to characters of empathy. However, I’ll have to give this award to Gang Dong-Won whos dignified and understated presence in Broker really brought the film together neatly.

From a serial killer to a soldier who lived on an island fighting a non existent war for decades, is there anything these actors can’t do (apart from get Oscar Nominated) Kanji Tsuda, Caleb Landry, Alex Skarsgard and Mehdi Bajestani showed the descent into Madness in different ways, while Darin and Park fought for justice. Debutant Eden Dambrine put in a performance way beyond a debut level as a guilt ridden child in Close. However, the saddest, most vulnerable emotional performance of the year came from this year’s Asbo winner Franz Rogowski – Great Freedom. Playing a gay prisoner in post war Germany moved from a concentration camp to a prison over the course of three decades, we see a man stuck in a rut, unable to live his own life with tragedy around him. It’s a fantastic film, and he leads it well. Congratulations on your Asbo Franz

We actually watched Till, so will nominate Danielle Deadwyler for an Asbo. Likewise, the underseen Silent Twins and Emily both had strong lead performances. Blue Jean and Happening were raw pieces of solid human cinema, while Aftersun was just perfection, in part thanks to a good performance from Frankie Corio. However, murdering and seductive, this award will go to Tang Wei – Decision to Leave who convincingly turned one of the best noir crime films into one f the best romance films of the year. Well done Tang, you were phenomenal

P: And now for a big award. I’m very excited Mr Lineker

G: Me too Paddington. And the nominees for best picture are

What a brilliant set of eight movies. Each one of these from across the world tell a different, heartfelt story. Picking one winner is difficult. EO made me cry over a donkey while Great Freedom and Joyland showed aching stories of forbidden love. The Batman was a cinematic spectacle showing that superhero movies can be special still, while Playground, Aftersun and Broker showed brilliant and contrasting definitions of family relationships. Decision to Leave was a film made for me. A romantic noir much like the golden 1950’s, straight out of a Hitchcock playbook with beautiful shots and liquid tight writing.

However, the ASBO for Best Picture goes to… Aftersun, for its incredible depiction of family, depression and memories of a summer no longer here. Each element of this film was beautifully thought through and painstakingly put together, ending with the best cinema scene of the year. It’s on Mubi and took a couple of watches for me to love it, but now I can’t recommend it enough.

P: So is that all the awards done Mr Lineker?

G: Well, no it isn’t Paddington. Like Portsmouth on Match of the Day, there always has to be one last vital fixture

P: But Mr Lineker, Portsmouth haven’t been on Match of the Day for years. Don’t you mean Sou-

QUICKLY MOVING ON TO THE NOMINEES FOR THE MOST IMPORTANT AWARD OF THE DAY! BEST DONKEY

G: Yes, this year there have been lots of great on screen donkeys which have captures our hearts and minds, from those on deserted islands, sitting on the Irish coast, working in China or watching a football match in Poland. These four donkeys have done it all. Here are the nominees for Best Donkey.

Triangle of Sadness killed its donkey without even a moment on screen. Rubbish movie. Return to Dust was about a couple with a farm trying to live their lives freely in China. The donkey there was a loyal steed, what you want from a donkey. Eo was a Polish Stallion which wondered across the land looking for food and seeing the best and worst of humanity. They were wonderful, I loved that damn donkey. However, for her comedic prowess and emotional moments, I have to give the most important ASBO of the night to Jenny the Donkey – Banshees of Inisherin.

Congratulations on the most important award Jenny. Good night. See you all next year.

Oscars 2023

And we are back… With the ASBOs almost written up that must mean its Oscars time within the next 24 hours, so let’s look through who I’d pick to win the awards, starting with the major five:

Best Supporting Actor

I’ll note immediately I’ve not seen Causeway. It’s on Apple TV and I can’t be bothered to pay for it. I was suprised Judd Hirsh got nominated for five minutes of okay screen time. Barry Keoghan was the heart of Banshees while Brendan Gleeson was the second lead. Meanwhile Ke Huy Quan was the heart of Everything Everywhere all at Once (hereafter EEAAO). When I saw that film, I was convinced he’d win an ASBO award, but alas the Oscars snapped him up and are likely to deservedly award it to him. I’d fully agree with this, I hope Ke Huy Quan wins. His variety of Waymonds he played in the multiverse jumping movie was wonderful and he delivered my favourite movie line of the year perfectly about doing laundry and taxes in another universe.

Spoilers

Best Supporting Actress

I was suprised about the double nomination for EEAAO. Both actresses had a shot, with Jamie Lee Curtis mainly getting in due to how pally she is with the Oscar circuit. Stephanie Hsu is fine in her role, although there are many great ASBO nominees who would have also been great. Angela Basset was okay marvel at best, while Hong Chau gave it a good go in a difficult, melodramatic play. However, if there is any justice, the award will go to Kerry Condon for her performance in The Banshees of Inisherin. She was the heart of the film, opposite to Colin Farrell’s simplicity and to Brendan Gleeson’s hostility. She kept it grounded in reality when it could’ve been silly otherwise while also bringing strong emotional moments.

Spoilers

Best Actress in a Leading Role

I haven’t watched Blonde, so sorry. The most controversial nominee of the year was Andrea Riseborough in To Leslie who gave a conventional good performance in the film. While not as good as Danielle Deadwyller, I won’t hold it against her. Michelle Williams was good in The Fabelmans as well as Stephen Spielberg’s mum. She really brought a heart to the film, however in my mind it’s a two horse race between Cate Blanchett in Tar and Michelle Yeoh in EEAAO. Yeoh was great, she was exciting, energetic and emotional in a fun way. However, despite the slowness of Tar, Cate Blanchett was magnetising, owning the screen in a captivating way. Her characters breakdown over the course of the film was nuanced and great. It felt gradual and never forced. A tour de force of acting, it’s an essential performance.

I couldn’t find her Julliard scene on Youtube

Best Actor in a Leading Role

Unfortunately, one of my two least favourite performances on this list will probably win the Oscar on the night. Austin Butler’s Elvis was fine, standard biopic fair but nothing to write home about. Brendan Fraser’s The Whale performance was overly dramatic and really didn’t interest me. The other three performances were great. Bill Nighy was classy as a dying man in Living, while Paul Mescal’s depressed dad and Colin Farrell’s comedic loneliness were both top standard. This is actually the toughest decision in the blog post. Fine, Banshees, Colin Farrell. But go and watch Aftersun anyway because if that wins tomorrow, I’ll be over the moon.

Best Picture:

I think you can split this years 10 nominees into a few groups. You have the popular and unpopular. The good and the rubbish. The big and the small. It’s a really interesting bunch and even if I found 5 to not be to my taste, that’s fine because others would have enjoyed them.

10) Elvis was 103/106 in my film rankings last year. It was dreadful. Fat Tom Hanks with his accent? no thank you. Constant cuts and editing to make you feel dizzy? No thank you. Rubbish Amadeus parody opening line? Go home. By the time the film had settled it had already lost me. At least Dad enjoyed when we went. Shame he got COVID from it though.

9) Avatar: The Way of Water was totally fine, except for all the stupid decisions that weren’t inkeeping with the plot and the fact that nothing really happens for the first two hours (Oscar films were long this year). It was like the first film, but just not as interesting. It looked nice, but I was hoping they’d kill the bad guy to avoid three more sequels.

8) Triangle of Sadness is a real artsy film. But Joe, you like artsy films. No, I like good films. There is a difference. This film is made up of three acts. In the first one, an unlikable couple argues about paying a bill as the woman earns more in their modelling industry. A bit boring, but fine it’s a set up. In the second act, they’re on a cruise ship. It starts okay, but very quickly goes into rich people are bad which doesn’t feel fresh or new. There are endless poo and sick gags and 10 minute of Woody Harrelson yelling communism quotes he’s reading off his phone (Oscar films are long this year). The third act on a desert island is forced but also the most interesting part. It’s a shame they didn’t focus on that more and cut the other two parts. Oh well…

7) All Quiet on the Western Front is the Oscars attempt at anti-military propaganda. Based on a book and a 1930 film, this Netflix re-telling is an okay war film with a dodgy score, but an atrocious adaptation which fails to show the psychological horrors of war on its protagonist and brings in a whole bunch of extra scenes which take away from the source material nuance.

6) Top Gun Maverick is the Oscars attempt at pro-military propaganda. You know what you’re getting. Tom Cruise goes vroom in some fast planes. It’s predictable and easy, but pleases crowds. It’s also well made, so needs some credit. It doesn’t reinvent the wheel but flies high with its fans.

Now let’s talk about some films I was happy with

5) Women Talking was a well written, well acted piece about a group of Mennonites who have to decide how to deal with crimes against them, whether to stay and fight or to leave and if so how. It was an interesting piece, except one old woman kept wanting to talk about her horses. It won’t stay long in the memory of the film world, but was a fine effort.

4) The Fabelmans: This was the sweet feel good Coda sort of film for a family film club. Stephen Spielberg writes about Stephen Spielberg and his parents’ divorce. While sentimental, this film’s greatest strength is its honesty about his childhood. It’s a charming, conventional family film if not much else.

3) Tar: Now we’re getting to the films that actually deserve a best picture win. If any of these three films win Best Picture, it will be well deserved. The least likely of the trio is Tar, a 2hour 40 minute slog (Oscars films are long this year) about a female conductor losing control of her life. It’s well written, masters its pace with interesting scenes even when not much is happening. Cate Blanchett is fantastic as is her supporting cast. A brilliant piece of art which is better seen in a room with few distractions.

2) Everything Everywhere All At Once: The bookies favourite, it would be great if this film one as its got a lot going against it. Its been 10 months since release, the actors haven’t been big for a while and it’s a huge genre piece. The Oscars don’t like sci-fi or action movies, but this is just that and honestly the best version of that I’ve seen for a long time. A mother who struggles to get along with her daughter and husband who has a failing laundromat ends up multi-verse hopping seeing different versions of herself based on her choices while trying to save the universe from a great threat. It’s interesting, heart warming, creative and new and has captured the imagination as a box office success story. This is the sort of film we should be rewarding.

And the Best Picture goes to Banshees of Inisherin: While EEAAO did a lot well, Banshees did very little but did it very well. A razor sharp comedy about two friends on an island off the coast of Ireland, it was smart, witty and well acted. Martin McDornagh’s funniest film, this gets everything right. This film feels like its on an island and the simple stakes seem high based on the isolation from the world. It’s brilliantly paced and keeps twisting and turning in unexpected ways and has an unbelievably cute donkey in it. What more can you want. If anything knocks EEAAO out of top spot, it will probably be this.

Best of the rest

Best Original Screenplay: This years nominees are stacked. It’s a 50/50 between the madness of EEAAO and the razor sharp dialogue of Banshees. I’d just about give this award to Banshees of Inisherin

Best Adapted Screenplay: is maybe not as good (Glass Onion 2?, Really) All Quiet is an awful adaptation, Living wasn’t great at writing (its source material isn’t the greatest, so it’s an okay adaptation). Top Gun 2 is okay, so I’ll give the award to the only actual good one, Women Talking (although last year they awarded Coda over Drive my Car so the Oscars are stupid. I don’t care)

Animated Film is a ridiculous category. I haven’t seen Sea Beast so can’t comment, but if the worst is Turning Red, that’s fine. Marcel the shell was decent and Puss in Boots was more than decent. I’d recommend both films to anybody. However, Pinocchio was pure art, so should win.

Cinematography: I’m a bit short here as I haven’t seen Empire of Light and could only get through the first 10 minutes of Bardo. Tar was decent, Elvis had some good shots, but All Quiet on the Western Front looked the most impressive so that can win

Costume Design: If I’d seen Mrs Harris goes to Paris that would probably win, but I haven’t. Black Panther 2 was good but more of the same. Babylon was fine. Elvis was great in this regard, but the sheer variety of picture perfect costumes in EEAAO mean it should win this one

Directing is always a tough category and the 5 nominees here all made totally different pieces of art. Todd Field’s control of pacing was great and under appreciated by many, however the amount that Daniels managed to do to make a competent package was fantastic, so I’ll award them for EEAAO

Editing: again, all fantastic. Top Gun was really smooth. Elvis wasn’t my cup of tea. EEAAO was incredible in this department so has to win again.

International: Finally one that EEAAO can’t win. All Quiet wasn’t a great movie, so that won’t win. Close was an interesting premise ditched in the name of indulgent melodrama so no… Argentina, 1985 was a good legal drama. My top two are A Quiet Girl, an understated Gaelic film about belonging and EO a film about a donkey coming across the best and worst of humanity while finding his way home. I’ll back that damn donkey all the way so EO wins

Make up and Hairstyling: Ahh my forte. The two best films for this were Elvis which transformed this actor into a character and showed his decline well or The Whale which also uses make up to show increasingly I’ll health in a nuanced way (the only nuanced thing about the film). I’ll give this award to The Whale

Music (Original Score): This one isn’t close. The best thing about Babylon and the main thing that kept me there for 3 hours was the score. It’s on my film soundtrack playlist and felt so fresh.

Original Song: I don’t really care for awarding generic pop. What I do care for is awarding songs that are key and memorable in a film. Naatu, naatu naatu naatu naatu, naatu, naatu. How can the dance scene in RRR not bring a smile to the face

Production Design: How can you have production design when in front of a green screen. It’s a pretty good green screen huh Avatar 2. Best production design goes to Elvis

Sound Design: This is 5 big epics which all were rather fake-ish. Avatar 2, Batman, All Quiet, Elvis and Top Gun 2 were well designed and never felt out of place. The winner here has to be Top Gun Maverick though

Visual Effects: It’s an identical list to the Sound Design except replacing Elvis with Black Panther 2. Again, while Avatar 2 was impressive, it never felt natural. Top Gun Maverick did all the way, so that can win again.

Winners

4 – Banshees of Inisherin, Everything Everywhere All At Once

2 – Top Gun: Maverick

1 – Babylon, Elvis, The Whale, RRR, GDT’s Pinocchio, Tar, Women Talking, All Quiet On The Western Front, EO