JL: CIAO! MY NAME-A IS A JARED LETO!

CW: Hello, I’m Chris Whitty.

JL: MAMMA MIA! IT’S-A CHRIS WHITTY

CW: Jared, why are you speaking like that? House of Gucci ended ages ago

JL: THIS IS-A ME A-NOW CHRIS. I EAT THE PIZZA AND TALK-A-LIKE, HOW YOU WOULD SAY, THIS

CW: Joe, can we have a side bar?

Yes, what’s up Chris?

CW: Seriously, can we cancel Jared? This award show is such a big deal, even saying who the nominees are for the winner to be announced in two weeks time. This is a big opportunity to highlight awards worthy contenders who the Oscars ignored, do we really want this guy announcing them?

Hmm, that’s a good point Chris, but I’m not sure I can

CW: Seriously? Well, enjoy switching between caps lock every other line and wasting your time typing this Italian fluff…

Good point. Jared, you’re out

JL: OH-A-N…

[Jared was kicked out the blog post]

Who can we get in at such short notice? Andrew Garfield is too famous, and even Rebel is busy with the BAFTAs? Hold on, I know who can save the day

[Paddington was added to the blog post]

P: Hello Joe, Hello Chris Whitty. Is everything okay?

Yes, we just need some help hyping up the ASBO nominees. Can you help? We’ll buy you the book in Mr Gruber’s antique shop.

P: Why of course Joe. As my Aunt Lucy says, if we’re kind and polite, the world will be right.

Perfect. Now we may start

CW: Thank you Joe. So many important stories have found their ways to the screen this year, some original and others transformed into the wonderful world of film from other mediums

P: The nominees for best screenplay have brought us to tears, made us laugh and made us cry with their words.

CW: Next slide please

CW: Next slide please

Hi Chris, me again. Could you do me a favour and stop asking for the nest slide. It’s funny the first time, but writing it out 20 times will become burdensome and have a significant diminishing return.

CW: But without the next slide what am I? I’m like a film without cinematography.

P: You’re much more than one line Chris. My Aunt Lucy taught me to find the best in everybody.

CW: Thanks Paddington, but I was trying to smoothly transition into the next categories which are truly arts, best cinematography and best editing…

P: While acting is truly a pure medium. The use of animation allows a person’s mind to thrive. The only limits of animate films are our imaginations. Although, I don’t know anybody animated myself, I’ve heard they are a little bit different and childish

CW:…

CW: As well as wonderful pieces of fiction, film makers push the boundaries to capture the real world. These four movies are all brilliant examples of this.

P: Back in Peru, me, Aunt Lucy and Uncle Gazpacho would watch lots of Peruvian films in the cinema.

CW: Oh that sounds lovely.

P: Yes seeing our homeland on the big screen while eating quiet non-crunchy marmalade sandwiches was a delight as it would have been for those from these countries:

CW: Actors don’t just roll out of bed ready to shoot as a character. They are helped by some brilliant hairstyling and make up. My stylist worked on my hair for 4 hours to get my hair right for this

P: Oh I can tell Mr Whitty.

CW: Thank you Paddington. Here are the nominees for best costumes and best make-up and hairstyling

P: The way a film sounds is incredibly important. Being back in cinema, it was wonderful to hear all of these loud movies with my friend ‘Nuckles

CW: As well as how a film sounds, its look is important as well. When I make my slides, I make them informative and understandable. It’s an art these next nominees understand well.

P: Oh Mr Whitty. This is a lot of elements. The directors who put them together must be really talented.

CW: Yes, especially these six who weren’t recognised by the academy

P: Oh Mr Whitty, I’m very excited that we’re about to share the actors.

CW: Me to Paddington. From a mourning, guilt ridden mother of a school shooter, to an elderly woman in a secret romance with her neighbour, to a woman hiding her own race for marriage and affluence, these eight actresses all played important roles in their movies, shaping them without leading them.

P: From an Afghan refugee on a remote Scottish island to an immortal super villain, to a finger snapping gangster, is there anything these supporting actors can’t do?

CW: Whether driving cars, or doing other things with them, these eight actresses all stole their respective shows

P: Stressed out chefs, broken comedians and romantic poets, our eight actors all provided us with immersive human performances. I should know, I’m a bear.

P: Oh how exhausting Mr Whitty. I could do with a nap

CW: Only one more award left Paddington, and it’s the big one.

P: Is that best picture Mr Whitty? I noticed we had understated dramas and animated documentaries in this category

CW: And don’t forget rock operas and body horrors

P: Oh Mr Whitty, I don’t think I’d enjoy that.

CW: Okay Paddington. And here are our nominees for the ASBO award for best picture:

Top Nominees

8- Annette/Green Knight/Titane

7- Mass

5- After Love/The Invisible Life of Euridice Gusmao

4- Limbo/Paris 13th District/Spencer/The Nest

3- Drive My Car/Gagarine/Passing/Photocopier/Shive Baby/Stray

2- 9 movies

1- 22 Movies

Total – 47 Movies Nominated