So last night I ended my almost four month hiatus from the cinema. For some, that is a normal length of time, but for me that was quite a delay. As these establishments re-open in the coming weeks people will have to decide whether to return, so I thought I’d share my experience as part of the <0.0001% (probably) who have gone to a post-lockdown screening.

My first issue to get past was the lack of local cinema being open, so after a quick look around I found that my best option was a 1 hour and 15 minute walk to Odeon Kingston. Odeon is probably my least favourite cinema brand. I’ve not been a fan of most of their cinemas I’ve been in, but as Vue, Picturehouse, Curzon and most independents are closed, it was my only option.

My first mistake was to not bring a coat on my walk. I turned from Jim Carey’s eternal sunshine to Gene Kelly’s singing in the rain a few times, but thankfully it cooled down the air if anything. Anyhow, you don’t give a damn about that bit, so into the cinema we go.

Walking to the cinema I was rather excited. I don’t know what I expected, but the surrounding area was empty. It was 7:00PM on a Monday. I don’t know if I expected some chatter but it was less walk to Wembley with Pompey and more walking to Hungerford away for Braintree.

Bad News:

I’d booked a ticket online and had a confirmation e-mail meaning I didn’t need to go to the counter. However, I was disappointed that Odeon still made me print out a ticket at a self service counter. With a big pandemic around, I thought an e-ticket should have been enough, especially as they have them in a couple of branches. Thoughtless on Odeon’s front.

Good News:

Once I’d done that, they asked if I wanted snacks and because I’m not an inconsiderate moron, I said no (Popcorn eaters are the devils spawn. You’re in a quiet theatre eating the noisiest food known to man. Don’t be an idiot). The person at the front of the cinema asked which film and pointed me in the right direction. The auditorium was empty

The staff were all wearing plastic face shields. They looked silly, but it didn’t bother me. They were all polite and maintained a good level of social distancing.

When I got to the screen, I was told by the attendee that I could sit anywhere as long as I was 2 seats away from others. No problem as there were only 10 of us in 100 seats, only one of whom was eating sweets, but not popcorn.

Face Masks:

So at the time of writing, face masks aren’t mandatory in cinemas. I’m not sure if they have an exemption on the 24th July or not. Either way, I’ll discuss what happened in my screening yesterday. A couple of people wore them in to the cinema. I was planning to if it was busy, but as I came across literally nobody on my way to the screen I didn’t think to put one on. Again, if it were busier it would be a different scenario. In the movie itself, I had a look around and nobody was wearing one.

Exit Process:

This was one thing where it didn’t take them three years to work out how to get people to leave. On the screen, Odeon announced that a staff member would come in at the end of the film and help the leaving co-ordination. However, in reality, as there were 10 people, some left at the beginning of the credits, some mid way through and the rest at the end, with no co-ordination. Again, may be different in a busier screening. I left mid way through once half of the people had left and as I didn’t need to walk across anyone. A true modern day rebel.

Upcoming films (Or more bad news):

So, other than old re-runs what is coming up? Well Odeon showed four trailers.

First up was The Broken Heart Gallery. A story which I think was about a girl who met a guy and got a gallery space. It didn’t make much sense to be honest, didn’t look that good. Directed by Natalie Krinsky (Gossip Girl) and produced by … [checks notes] Selena Gomez.

Then they showed a trailer for Greenland. A meteor above earth didn’t split which means rocks are falling from the sky. Oh no, it’s the end of the world. Let’s find cover and randomly run from meteor showers with our family. Oh my, the horror… boo hoo. Looks rubbish.

There was a trailer for Mulan and for Tenet. However, with Trump not knowing his elbow from his backside, I can only imagine that those may both be delayed even further as America remains in lockdown.

It’s such a shame there was a great looking run of releases before lockdown Les Miserables, Rocks, Secret Garden, The Woman In The Window… Put them all on

The cinema experience

Anyhow, the film started (Dunkirk). I sat there thinking “Why have I missed this?” 10 seconds in… LOUD BULLETS OUT OF NOWHERE. I jumped slightly and the film… was… on…